


Yule Brawl

by JoeMerl



Series: Ask-Magical-Total-Drama Universe [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Total Drama (Cartoon), Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Christmas, Christmas Party, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Love Triangles, One-Sided Attraction, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Reconciliation, Rivalry, Romance, School Dances, Teenage Drama, Yule Ball (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27699101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoeMerl/pseuds/JoeMerl
Summary: In his never-ending effort to increase the drama around Wawanakwa School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Headmaster McLean is throwing a Christmas ball. Will Cody avoid going with Sierra? Will exes Gwen and Trent finally get back together? Why is Duncan still hung up on Courtney, and will Heather find a date to prove that she'snothung up on Alejandro? All that and much, much more, because this franchise has a lot of characters to cover!Based on the Ask-Magical-Total-Drama blog on Tumblr, but should be readable on its own.
Relationships: A lot of characters are related/friends even if they've never met in canon., Alejandro Burromuerto & Noah, Alejandro Burromuerto/Heather, Brody/MacArthur (Total Drama), Cody & Gwen (Total Drama), Cody & Trent (Total Drama), Courtney/Scott (Total Drama), Dave & Sky (Total Drama), Dave/Sky (Total Drama), Duncan & Courtney (Total Drama), Emma/Noah (Total Drama), Eva & Izzy & Noah (Total Drama), Gwen/Trent (Total Drama), Heather & Harold McGrady V, Leshawna/Harold McGrady V, One-sided Cody/Gwen, implied Jo/Brick McArthur
Series: Ask-Magical-Total-Drama Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2000956
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Part 1: All I Want for Christmas is You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those who are staying for Christmas break try to find a date for the Yule Ball.

"Alright, class, please settle down…I have an announcement to make before the bell rings…"

The sixth-year Ravenclaws, who had been packing up their wands and books, quieted down and looked up at Professor Don. He regarded them with a dignified and winning smile.

"As you may have heard, Headmaster McLean has decided to hold a 'Yule Ball' this year—"

" _EEEEEEEEEE!_ "

Sierra shrieked so shrilly that it was amazing the windows didn't shatter. Staci, having anticipated this reaction, already had her ears covered; everyone else followed suit except for Cody, whose arms were being restrained by Sierra's bone-crushing hug.

"Uh…yeah," Professor Don said when it finally seemed safe to uncover his ears. "Anyway, it will be held from eight o'clock to midnight on Christmas Day."

Cameron raised his hand. "Christmas Day? So we won't be able to go attend unless we stay here over the break?"

"That's right. And we teachers are going to have to Floo back here at night to chaperon! Because that's… _really_ what I wanted to do on my holiday." Professor Don looked bitter for a moment. "Anyway, dress robes are mandatory. If you don't have any, the school will be renting some secondhand for an exorbitant fee. Only fourth-years and older can attend, unless accompanied by an older student." He paused. "Not that any of you should invite somebody that young. Remember, kids, half your age plus seven."

The bell rang. Everybody stood, except for Sierra, who was still making soft coos of excitement, and Cody, who was still being held in her vice-like grip.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, isn't this _exciting,_ Cody?! So…" She giggled, pressing her cheek against his, "have you picked out a girl that you want to ask out?"

What Sierra failed to notice was that Cody's eyes had wandered over to Gwen, who at that moment was walking out of the room, trying to ignore a babbling Izzy.

"Yeah, I…have an idea."

* * *

"So, you two hear about this crazy Christmas dance?" Leshawna asked as she, Bridgette and Gwen walked down the corridor during break.

"Yeah," Gwen said, scoffing in a way that seemed a bit insistent. "Prom as imagined by Headmaster McLean. Sounds like a blast."

"Aw, come on," Bridgette said, elbowing her friend. "I thought it might be fun. And you said you had to stay here during Christmas break anyway, right?"

"Yeah…but still. It doesn't exactly sound like my thing."

"Oh, but what if a certain dark-haired, green-eyed Quidditch captain asked you to be his date?" Leshawna teased, feigning a swoon.

Gwen felt her cheeks heat up. "Stop it," she groused. "Trent and I broke up, remember?"

"Yeah, and if you had any sense you'd have gotten back together _months_ ago! Heck, the only reason you two broke up was because of that no-good, conniving, _evil_ little—"

At that moment the three turned a corner, and Leshawna walked right into someone coming the other way.

"HEY! Watch it!" Heather snapped.

Leshawna crossed her arms and glared. "Well, speak of the devil, she will appear."

Suddenly Harold, who had been walking with Heather, also rounded the corner. "Leshawna!" he said, a big grin spreading across his face. "I was just about to go looking for you!"

He suddenly noticed that Leshawna, Gwen and Heather were all glaring, and frowned, pulling nervously on the collar of his uniform. "So…how are you today?"

Heather rolled her eyes, sidestepped the other girls and marched off. Harold hastily called after her. "Uh, I'll get you your Transfiguration notes back by Friday!"

"UGH, I do not know why you put up with that girl, Harold!" Leshawna snapped, making no effort to hide her voice from her retreating enemy.

"She's my friend," Harold said, awkwardly looking away.

"Yeah, and you ever notice that all her _other_ friends have dumped her by now?" She shook her head, giving her boyfriend a stern look. "I swear, sometimes you are too nice for your own good."

"Yeah…but that's what you love about me, right?"

Leshawna's expression softened at his ridiculously dorky grin, and Bridgette giggled as Gwen rolled her eyes. "Uh, Bridgette and I are gonna go on ahead, okay, Leshawna?"

"Alright. I'll catch up in a minute."

The other girls left, leaving her and Harold alone in the corridor. He put his hands behind his back and leaned closer to her. "So, did you hear? Chris is holding auditions for a band to play the Yule Ball. Me and the guys are going to try out."

"For real? That's pretty cool."

Harold grinned. "But if we get the gig, I'm gonna need to find a beautiful girl to be my groupie."

"I'd love to, Harold—"

" _Yes!_ "

"—but…"

"Oh, no!" Harold's whole body slumped. "We're not breaking up again, are we?"

"No, babe. It's just that I ain't throwing away my Christmas break to stay in this dump! I got family to see. Wouldn't you rather spend the holiday with your parents than see what kind of half-baked fiasco Chris is gonna throw?"

Harold grimaced. "We don't celebrate Christmas, remember? Plus I'd rather avoid our house until my brother moves out again in a few months."

"I'm sorry, babe." She put her hand on his cheek, then said "Tell you what. You go to the ball and have fun without me. I'm sure you can still have a great time hanging out with your friends, right?"

Harold smiled wanly. "Yeah. But I'm gonna miss having a groupie."

Leshawna chuckled. "Tell you what—if Gwen can't get a date, I'll rope her into groupie duty for you. Maybe _that'll_ give her some motivation to get over this whole mess with Trent."

* * *

Duncan, a Gryffindor, was sitting at the Hufflepuff table in the Great Hall, while his best friends, Geoff and DJ, watched him anxiously between bites of their dinner.

" _Grumble grumble…stupid, inbred, ginger—_ "

"Hey, dude, that's not cool. Scott's hair color has nothing to do with this situation."

Duncan ignored him. He had been in a foul mood ever since he found out that Scott had asked his ex, Courtney, to the Yule Ball. Now he was watching them talk from across the Great Hall, pounding his wand rhythmically against his leg and ignoring the red sparks that came out.

"Uh, Duncan?" said DJ.

"What?!"

"Your robes are on fire."

"What are you— _AGH!_ "

He stomped on the hem of his robes, while a few seats down, a fifth year named Max gave a loud, barking laugh.

"Oh, shut up!" he snapped, finally breaking his gaze away from the Slytherin table. "And could you two keep in down?! Some of us are trying to _think_ over here!"

He was speaking to the other Gryffindor at that table, Zoey, who was sitting with her boyfriend, Mike. They both gave a start at his outburst, because they had not, in fact, been making any noise, save for some quiet coos as they snuggled close to each other.

"What's up with him?" Mike whispered.

"He's been like this ever since Courtney started dating Scott."

"But he broke up with Courtney. And cheated on Courtney. And their relationship was _kind of_ dysfunctional even before that." Mike gave the glaring Gryffindor a sideways look. "Does he actually want to get back together with her?"

"That's certainly what _I_ want to know!"

" _AGH!_ "

Mike jumped out of his seat in terror as Sierra's head suddenly emerged from under the table. Several people turned to stare as she and Staci clambered out, squeezing into Mike's empty spot as he stood awkwardly off to the side.

"I hope you don't mind, but the two of us are just taking a survey to find out who's going with who to the Yule Ball," Sierra said brightly. "I already know that Tyler is going with Lindsay, and Sam with Dakota…Mike, Zoey, I assume we can add you two to our list?"

"Actually, Mike and I are both planning to go home for Christmas break."

Sierra looked flabbergasted. "Go home?! But why?"

"Because we have families?" said Mike, who was still standing back and looking disconcerted.

"But we're going to try and get together sometime anyway," Zoey added.

" _Hmm._ "

"You can cross me off of any crazy gossip list you got going too," DJ said. "No way am I passing up a chance to see Mama for the holidays. Especially when I probably couldn't find a date anyway."

"But I have a whole list of people I was going to suggest for you!" Sierra said, sounding hurt.

Staci turned a page of her clipboard. "Yeah, Eva, Katie, Sadie, Anne Maria—"

"Forget these party poopers," Geoff said with a good-natured grin. "You can put me and Bridge down for sure."

"Great! And what about you, Duncan?" she said, leaning across Geoff to poke the brooding boy in the shoulder. He kept his back to her, eyes still on the Slytherin table, but his hand clenched into a fist. "Are the rumors true about you wanting to take another shot with Courtney?"

" _No._ "

Sierra was remarkably indifferent to the tension in the air, responding with a teasing, "Are you _suuure—_ "

"GO AWAY!"

The gossipmonger let out a squeak and jumped back, as Duncan suddenly rose to his feet and stomped out of the Great Hall, grumbling under his breath.

"Yeah…he's repressing something," Staci said, taking a note.

"You got that right." Geoff tried to sound teasing, but there was a slight tone of worry in his voice. To cover it up, he turned to their Ravenclaw guests and asked, "So, do you gals have any plans for the big day?"

Staci opened her mouth to say something, but Sierra cut her off. "Well, I'm going with Cody, of course!"

"That's…great!" Zoey said, sharing a look with Mike. "And he's… _consented_ to this?"

"Of course! I mean, we _are_ married! Well, engaged. Well— _engaged to be engaged._ " She leaned in close. "But I think Christmas night just might be when he pops the question!"

Even Staci was savvy enough to roll her eyes at her friend's delusions.

* * *

Dave reached the top of the tower, pausing to catch his breath at the door to the Owlery. "I really should have just borrowed someone else's owl at breakfast," he panted. "I hate coming up here."

He pushed open the door, shivering as he entered the cold, drafty room.

"Oh—Dave! Hi!"

He spun around to see Sky sitting in one of the large, glassless windows, a Northern Pygmy owl sitting on her shoulder and a book open in her lap.

"Oh! Sky! Hi! Hey, that rhymes!" A beat passed. "Hi," he said again. "So, uh—what are you doing up here?"

"I just like to come up here and think sometimes."

"Why? It's so cold," Dave said, crossing his arms. "Not to mention dirty, with all these stupid birds dropping their feathers and poop and—"

He suddenly noticed that every conscious bird in the room seemed to be glaring at him, and Sky—her owl still sitting on her shoulder—looked a bit cross as well. He quickly cleared his throat. "So, uh—w-what you got there? A letter?"

Sky jumped a bit as Dave pointed to her book; inside was a piece of ordinary notebook paper, clearly distinct from the parchment that everyone at school used. "Oh—yeah. It's from my—one of my friends back home." Dave was so nervous himself that he didn't seem to notice Sky's sudden stutter.

"Oh. Cool, cool."

Dave rocked on the balls of his feet, waiting for Sky to say something else. She stared back.

"So, do you…need to use an owl or something…?"

"What? Oh, right!"

He quickly took a letter out of his pocket, woke up one of the many school owls lining the walls and sent it away. Then he turned back to Sky, taking a deep, silent breath. _Okay, Dave, here's your chance. Just try to act cool._

"So, uh…are you planning to stay at school? For that…Yule Ball thing, I mean?"

"Um…I'm not sure. I wasn't really planning on going."

Dave felt his stomach plummet to his knees, but he leaned against the cold stone wall, trying to look insouciant. "Yeah. I mean…it sounds pretty stupid, doesn't it?"

"…Actually, I really liked the idea. I just…didn't really plan on finding a date."

Dave's heart swelled and sank at the same time. It was a rather peculiar feeling. "Oh. Well, when I said stupid, I didn't mean that, you know, _you're_ stupid. Smart people can like all sorts of stupid things!"

Sky's eyes widened, then narrowed, and Dave groaned, slapping himself on the face. "Wait! I always say dumb things just before I ask a girl—" He paused, taking a deep breath. "Would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me?"

For a moment Dave looked hopeful as Sky just stared. Then Sky's face contorted, and she suddenly let out a belch so loud that several owls woke up and began to hoot indignantly.

"Sorry! That always happens when I'm—"

"Nervous! I know! I mean," he chuckled, "I remember before our last Quidditch game, you burped so loud that…" He caught the look on her face. "Still…doing it. So…was that belch a _yes,_ or a _no?"_

She hesitated. "It was a 'yes,' but—"

Dave's swollen heart had quickly leaped back into its proper place. "Don't want to hear the 'but!' As long as you want to go, I'm golden."

"But, Dave—"

It was too late; he had already turned and strutted out of the room, too high on his own success to be listening.

* * *

Ella had fewer birds than usual, since most had already flown south to escape the Ontario winter, but she was still humming merrily as she went to breakfast, as graceful and pretty as one could look in a standard black school robe.

Glancing up, she noticed her beloved also approaching the Great Hall, looking even handsomer than usual with his back straight and his head held high. She walked quicker to catch up with him, one of her fluttering friends landing on her shoulder so that he wasn't left behind.

"Good morning, Prince David!"

Dave looked back, his large grin fading slightly. "I keep telling you, you can just call me 'Dave.' Oh, _wow._ "

They had just walked into the Great Hall, which had been decorated for Christmas during the night; a Christmas tree was standing in every corner, holly and mistletoe decorated the walls, and the candles hanging in the air were now all red, green or gold. Dave (who had not been around to hear Chef Hatchet grumbling as he did all that work the previous night) found himself grinning.

"Ah…isn't this the best time of year! Isn't today just the best day _ever?"_

Ella clapped her hands cheerfully as she stood with Dave in the doorway. "Well, _someone_ seems happy this morning!"

"Yeah. Just…really excited for the dance on Christmas, I guess."

Ella's breath caught in her throat, and she leaned in closer, her cheeks turning pink. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'm going with someone very special—"

" _Oh,_ David, I'm so—"

"—and I guess I'm just—so excited that she said yes! I mean, I was never really sure if Sky was actually into me, but—well, anyway, sorry to start gushing like that," Dave said, finally turning back to Ella but somehow missing the shocked look on her face. "I'm gonna go get breakfast. Hope you're day's as good as mine!"

He strutted toward the Ravenclaw table, singing "Walking Through a Winter Wonderland" under his breath. Ella remained rooted in the doorway for a moment; her bird friend cooed and rubbed its head against her cheek. Ella sniffled, turned and ran back into the corridor.

"HEY! Watch where you're going!" Max snapped as she ran past, almost caused him to spill his bag of potion ingredients.

* * *

Heather was on her way to Charms, reading her essay as she walked, when she felt somebody familiar saddle up beside her.

"Good morning, my dear. I hope you don't mind an escort on your way to class?"

"Actually, I do. _Go away._ "

Alejandro's unctuous smile twitched a bit, but he kept on walking beside her. "So, about this little Christmas party that Headmaster Chris decided to throw…"

Heather suddenly stopped, clapping her hands together and broke into a wide-eyed grin. "Oh, Alejandro? Are you asking _me_ to go as your _date?"_

Alejandro smirked, but almost instantly, Heather's expression returned to disdain, her arms falling back at her side. "Funny. I thought you would have gotten the hint the last _fifty times_ that I turned you down."

She swept away again. Alejandro blinked, then took off after her.

"You can't fool me, Heather! I know that you crave Alejandro the way that a baked chicken craves _mole_ sauce!"

"Hmph!" Heather said, turning up her nose, but Alejandro could see the slight flush in her cheeks.

"And besides," he continued, letting his smirk return, "it's not like you're planning to go to that ball on your own, are you?"

Heather stopped walking, but this time it was to spin around and glare at him. "And what is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying, the average simpleton at this school just doesn't appreciate a girl with such…" He seemed to enjoy thinking for a moment. "… _ruthless_ determination. Aside from me, who else is going to ask you?

"Are you saying that I'm your _pity date_ because you don't think I could find anybody else?!"

Heather's voice had risen to much that passersby were starting to stare. Alejandro's grin widened; Heather was just so… _cute_ when she was riled up like this.

"I'm just saying, the last time you had a boyfriend, it was because you slipped Trent a Love Potion. So if I were— _AGH!"_

As Alejandro fell to the floor, holding onto his rapidly-swelling face, Heather pocketed her wand and stormed off down the hallway. "Let's see how well _you_ can find a date if they can't deflate your massive head!" she called, not looking back at him.

* * *

Heather now had an unpleasant task: find a stupid date for this stupid ball so that she could show up that stupid Alejandro. Preferably one as hunky, popular, or likely to annoy her rival as possible.

"Wait…is this normal flirting or 'I want a date to the ball' flirting? Because I've already got more of _that_ than I can handle," said Justin.

"As funny as it would be, Burromuerto men do not steal each other's _señoritas_ ," said José.

"I'm already going with Beth," said some ridiculously handsome guy whom Heather was pretty sure she had never seen before.

"Uh, thanks for the offer, but I'm going home for break," said a confused Brick.

"Why you keep blinking so much?" said an even more confused Lightning.

"You're just flirting with me because it would tick off Alejandro. Which is a worthy goal, but no," said Noah.

"YOU USED A LOVE POTION ON ME!" screamed Trent, storming off.

Hmm. Maybe she would need to try outside of her year.

"Uh, I'm already dating someone," said Ryan.

"I am already going with Josee," said Jacques.

"You're not really my type," said Tom.

"UGH!" Heather seethed, storming down the hall. "What is _wrong_ with everyone?! The hottest girl in school is practically _throwing_ herself at you and suddenly everyone's become a freaking eunuch?!"

At the same moment, Duncan was walking down the hall in the opposite direction, grumbling about "Stupid Courtney…if she can find a date, I'm sure _I_ can—"

The two were so distracted that they ran right into each other, stumbled back, then glared, before pausing to regard the other with a moment of contemplation.

"No. Not that desperate," they said in unison, then sidestepped each other to continue in their respective searches.

* * *

Auditions to play the Yule Ball were held in the Great Hall, on a makeshift stage that had been Conjured up for the purpose. Trent was backstage with his band mates, tuning his guitar and biting his lip.

"I have to admit, I'm really nervous."

Cody gave a cocky grin. "You kidding? We're a shoe-in! Especially since there's only one other group competing," he said, motioning over his shoulder to a trio of fifth years.

"Alrighty then!" called Headmaster Chris McLean. "First up is…the Weird Brothers!"

Trent took a deep breath as they headed on-stage. "I hope you're right, man."

* * *

He was totally wrong, man.

"And the winners are… _the Wrockers!_ "

"YES! _Diddily-diddily-diii!_ " Rock said, air-guitaring as Spud cheered and Beardo made a happy siren noise.

Trent and Cody both groaned, as Justin threw his tambourine to the ground and Harold screamed " _Idiot!"_

"Sorry, boys," Professor Dwayne Crone, who was one of the judges, said with an awkward smile.

"Yeah…sorry you stunk!" said Professor Pete Starek. His friend, Professor Gerry Attridge, chortled.

Cody forced himself to smile as the four of them filed out of the Great Hall. "Well…look on the bright side. Now we can all bring dates!"

" _I_ can't. Leshawna's going home," Harold said morosely.

"And I don't really feel like hunting down a girl to ask," Trent mumbled.

At that moment he raised his eyes and noticed Gwen walking by herself down a side corridor. He stared for a moment, then grimaced and looked away.

Cody didn't notice the look on his friend's face, though he also spotted Gwen and perked up. "Speaking of which…sorry, guys, I gotta go. Opportunity knocks!"

He ran off after Gwen. Justin, mumbling "At least I still have my looks," shuffled off toward the Slytherin Common Room, leaving Harold alone with Trent. He eyed him curiously, remembering what Leshawna had said before.

"Hey…you _sure_ there's no one you wanna ask, Trent?"

"Yeah. I'm sure. Look, I gotta go," he said, before Harold could say anything else.

He made his way back toward the Gryffindor Common Room, his guitar case heavy in his hand. "There's no way Gwen would want to go with me," he murmured to himself. "What am I even supposed to say? 'Gee, Gwen, sorry I acted like a total tool and broke up with you? Sorry I was too stupid to realize that suddenly being in love with the worst person in school was maybe a little bit suspicious?' _Pfft."_

He reached his common room and made his way up to his dorm. It was empty except for Brick, who was holding a clipboard. As soon as he saw Trent he looked relieved.

"Thank goodness! I've been looking all over for you! I'm supposed to have gotten this to Chef an hour ago," he said, motioning to the clipboard. "Are you staying over break or not?"

"Huh? Oh." Brick was a prefect, so it was his job to poll the students about their plans for Christmas break; Trent had kept putting him off until after the tryouts. "You know what? Put me down for leaving."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

Brick made a note on the parchment, then ran off to deliver it to Chef.

* * *

"Hey, Gwen."

She looked up to see Cody strut up beside her, flashing his winningest (and unintentionally goofiest) grin. "Where you headed?"

"Just to the library. I need to study before my last exam."

"Ah, cool, cool," he said, nodding. He cleared his throat. "So, I was wondering—"

" _There you are, Codykins!"_

"Oh, no," he said, having not time to react before Sierra had him in a strangle-hold.

"I've been looking everywhere for you! _What were you two talking about?!"_ she asked, still grinning as she turned to glare at Gwen.

"My…Defense Against the Dark Arts exam?"

"Oh, right." Sierra paused for a beat, then began to drag Cody away. "Come on, sweetie! You can help me and Staci compile dating data!"

" _Ach…_ but I… _help…"_

Gwen smiled sympathetically as Sierra dragged him away.

* * *

"I can't believe it!" Heather said, as even _freaking Ezekiel_ ran by, cheering that he got a date. "Who's left?!"

"Hey, Heather!"

She spun around; Harold walked towards her, smiling, a collection of parchment in his hand. "I got your Transfiguration notes! Thanks, they were a big—"

"Leshawna's going _home_ for Christmas break, right?"

Harold blinked. "Yeah."

"But you're staying?"

"Yeah…?"

Heather hesitated a beat. "You're in luck. As your friend, I'm going to save you the humiliation of going to the Yule Ball alone."

" _Huh?"_

"No need to thank me," she said, with a dismissive wave. "Just make sure that you have presentable dress robes. Mine are silver, please _try_ to find something that matches."

"What's this about, Heather?"

"What?! Nothing! I am just trying to—"

"You're just doing this because no one but Alejandro asked you, did they?"

Heather's face turned red. "Just meet me in front of the Slytherin Common Room if you know what's good for you!" she snapped, snatching her notes back and storming away.

Harold watched her go, then sighed. "I just hope _Leshawna_ never finds out about this," he mumbled.

* * *

Well, if Trent was going home the next day, he needed to take care of a few things around the castle. After packing his trunk, he headed down to the library, a copy of _Quidditch Through the Ages_ tucked under his arm.

Gwen as coming out just as he was about to enter.

"Oh—Trent! Hey!"

"Gwen! Um…hey."

They both smiled awkwardly. They hadn't talked much since their break-up, and things still felt horribly awkward between them. "So, uh…where you headed?"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts. We have one last exam before the end of term."

"Oh. Okay, then."

A pause ensued; just as Trent was going to break it with a vague "Well, nice seeing ya," Gwen steeled herself and asked, "So, do you have any plans for this Yule Ball thing?"

"Huh?" Trent said stupidly. "Um—no. No plans."

"Oh." A slow smile spread on Gwen's face. "Well, then…maybe we could—"

"No, I mean…I'm not going. I'm heading home for break."

It took Gwen a moment to process that. "Oh."

Trent felt like kicking himself right in the head. "Did you, uh…I mean, were your asking—"

"You know what?" Gwen said, trying to sound casual so that a black hole of awkwardness didn't just rip open right under their feet. "Never mind. Anyway…I gotta go."

"Right. Um—good luck on that exam."

"Yeah. Thanks."

And the two walked off, each feeling like a complete moron.

* * *

"Max! MAX! Come along, Cody!"

Cody didn't bother resisting as Sierra dragged him by the arm. He was holding Staci's clipboard, filling in as Sierra's secretary while the other gossipmonger was busy. It wasn't a fun job.

"What do you want?" Max asked, barely glancing up from the cauldron that he was carrying down the hall. "Can't you see that I'm busy?"

"I just wanted to ask about your plans for the Yule Ball! I'm compiling data on all the fifth-through-seventh years. So," she leaned down to be closer to his eye level, which was quite a trip for her. "Are the rumors true about you and Scarlett?"

"Careful!" Max snapped, snatching the cauldron away from her face; Cody caught sight of an ugly purple sludge bubbling inside. "This potion is extremely volatile! You don't want to see what happens if it gets on your skin," he added with a sadistic smirk.

Sierra jogged in front of him and started walking backwards to face him; Cody followed a few steps behind. "Whatever. So, the Scax rumors?"

"The wh—? _I_ will be going to the Yule Ball to spread _ee-vil and mayhem!_ Unfortunately, that good-for-nothing sidekick of mine decided to have a 'study date' instead. She's just going to waste the whole night with her two dormmates, What's-Her-Name and The Other One."

"Ellody and Mary?"

"Sure, probably."

"Possible polyamorous lesbians. Cody, write that down!"

Cody rolled his eyes and began to write as Sierra continued, "What about Rodney? Oh, and Crimson and Ennui will be going, right?"

"How should I know?! Just because _you_ have time to keep track of all this clishmaclaver doesn't mean that _I—_ "

"Hey, how do you spell 'Ellody?' And am I supposed to be writing last names or just— _whoa!_ "

Since writing and walking were difficult tasks to do together, Cody wound up tripping over his feet and crashing right into Max. He, in turn, lurched forward, causing the contents of his cauldron to splash all over—"

" _AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!_ " screamed Sierra.

"AGH!" screamed Cody, dropping the clipboard and racing over to help her.

"Hmm," said Max, looking from the writhing girl to the near-empty cauldron in his arms. "I guess you _can_ add too much venom after all."

* * *

About an hour later Cody burst into the Ravenclaw Common Room. His dormmate Ezekiel, who had been sitting on the couch playing with his pet rats, jumped up as he entered, grinning.

"Guess what?! I asked Anne Maria to the Yule Ball and she said yes, eh!"

"Awesome!" Cody held up his palm; Ezekiel stared blankly. "High-five," he explained.

"Oh!"

They high-fived, and Cody said, "I have great news, too! Sierra's in the Hospital Wing, and she won't be out for at least a week!"

Ezekiel's grin faded. So did Cody's, and he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Okay, put like that it sounds _kind of_ mean-spirited," he admitted. "But she's gonna be alright! She just won't be able to get around until after the Yule Ball. That means a whole week where I won't have to put up protection spells when I sleep, where she won't be stealing all of my clothes, and best of all…"

Gwen entered the common room, and Cody's grin returned. "One sec, Zeke. Hey, Gwen!"

She paused just as she was about to enter the girls' dorms. She looked stressed, probably because of that exam she just took. "Yeah?"

"Wanna go to the Yule Ball with me?"

"Huh? Um…Cody, I don't…"

Gwen watched his smile start to fade, and she hesitated. It wasn't like she had a second choice after Trent. Of course, she could just skip the whole stupid dance, but the thought of staying over Christmas break and just spending the whole night alone in her dorm was less than appealing. Plus Cody was her friend, and he looked so much like a little kid that it was hard to say no to him sometimes…

"If we went together, it would only be as friends," she warned.

Cody's smile was instantly back. "Sure! No problem!"

She gave him a wary look, then went into the girls' dorm, already sure this had been a bad decision. Once she was gone, Cody rushed back to Ezekiel, punching the air in triumph. "YES! I'm in the friendzone! Which is the first stop on the way to the Maybe-Boyfriend Zone!"

Ezekiel smirked, held up his hand and they high-fived again. Their laughter was interrupted by a gruff voice saying, "Ezekiel?"

They turned; the door to the common room had opened again, except this time it was Professor Bouctouche, their Head of House and Ezekiel's father.

Ezekiel immediately turned serious. "Yeah, Dad?"

"Go grab your things. I want you to Floo home with me tonight instead of taking the train tomorrow."

"Um…" Ezekiel glanced over his shoulder, allowing him and Cody to exchange a confused look. "Okay."

He disappeared up into their dormitory. Cody frowned. He had already known that Ezekiel planned to go home for break and just Floo back for the ball—something not really allowed, but a privilege he could get from his dad being a teacher—yet he wondered if this had to do with something other than convenience. Did it have something to do with the _other_ reason Ezekiel sometimes Flooed home with his dad? It wasn't a full moon tonight…

Ezekiel came back, carrying a bag stuffed with robes and books. "See you tomorrow, I guess."

"Yeah, bye."

Ezekiel and his dad left the common room. Once outside, Ezekiel dropped his voice and said, "I could have just taken the train, eh."

"I'm not so sure about that," his father muttered as they walked toward his office. "McLean has been acting… _sneaky_ lately."

"Huh? Like how?"

"I dunno…saying things like 'I don't think _anyone_ should miss this stupid ball I'm putting together,' talkin' a lot about the weather like he knows something we don't…maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I don't want either of us around if he tries anything funny."

They reached Professor Bouctouche's office a minute later, and were back at their Alberta farm a minute after that.

And then, after yet one more minute, a sudden blast of wind whipped the trees outside and it started to snow.


	2. Part 2: Let It Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Predictably, Chris ruins everything.

The next morning, everybody in the castle woke up to the same thing: freezing cold temperatures and the sound of a massive blizzard roaring outside.

"This winter's actually been pretty warm up until now," said Carrie, as she and her dormmate Miles made their way down to breakfast.

There was a lot of buzz in the Great Hall, especially since half of its occupants were planning to go home in an hour; a lot of people were moving between tables to say goodbye to friends. The head table, however, was especially animated, and the professors all seemed to have furrowed brows and worried faces. Neither Headmaster Chris or Professor Bouctouche were there yet.

Noah was one of the few people who noticed this, however. "I have a _bad_ feeling right now."

"M-Me too," said Shawn, rubbing his nose. "I think I caught a cold from this storm. It was so bad that I actually had to come inside and sleep in the common room."

Just then, Chris swept into the Hall, wearing the sort of grin that would give a shark nightmares. Chef stood up as he approached the head table, saying, "Hey, what's going on with this storm? Do you realize that—"

"Just a second, Chef," said Chris, standing in front of his chair but not sitting down. "Attention, students! I have a brief announcement!"

Everybody quieted down and turned. As always, Chris seemed to drink up their attention.

"I'm sure you've all noticed the snowstorm raging outside our windows. It seems that this is actually a magical storm which was, uh... _accidentally_ activated." A lot of faces blanched with that announcement. "And it's a big one, too! So big that we can't get rid of it, and the train isn't going to be able to make it to take everyone home. Also, in an unrelated accident, our connection to the Floo Network has been blocked."

A very heavy silence fell over the Great Hall. Even the other professors were watching their boss with growing horror on their faces.

"The good news is, this means that you all get to spend Christmas break here! And that means the Yule Ball should be a _real_ doozy! Good luck to those of you who weren't planning to attend finding dates, and—"

Suddenly, at the Slytherin table, Laurie jumped to her feet, fire in her eyes and her wand in her hand. "KILL HIM!"

"SACRIFICE HIM TO OUR GOD!" screamed Izzy, who seemed to have Conjured a spear out of nowhere.

Chef immediately made to grab Chris, joined by two other professors, Melvin Slaughter and Kelly Lemieux—as usual, Chris seemed genuinely shocked to see his horrible abuse met with such hostility. He let out a strangled cry, ducked from under Professor Sasquatchinakwa's paws and suddenly disappeared into thin air.

* * *

It was impossible to Disapparate inside the school, but the Knut that Chris kept in the inner pocket of his robes was a Portkey; all he had to do was reach in, grab it and he was instantly back in his office. Which is why Chef was now pounding on his door, as the other professors and about fifty students crammed into the corridor outside.

"CHRIS! Open this door! I mean it!"

"Only if you promise not to kill me!"

"WE PROMISE NOTHING!" screamed Kelly.

"Can't you just blast it in?!" asked Eva, who was getting desperate as she watched from the sidelines.

"No way," said Shawn, before Chef could answer. "That room has more protection spells on it than the Minister for Magic's office." Everybody turned to stare at him. "Hey, I wanna know where to run when the monster apocalypse finally comes to this school!"

"How do you turn this storm off?!" yelled Chef, pounding on the door some more.

"You can't! Even when the government finds out, they won't be able to get rid of it until at least Boxing Day."

"WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING?!"

"THAT THE LOOKS ON YOUR FACES WOULD BE REALLY FUNNY, ALRIGHT?!"

"Let me at the door!" cried Izzy, raising her spear. "I'll beak it down, then rip open Chris' chest to eat his _still-beating heart!_ "

Eva glared at her friend. "Weren't _you_ planning to stay here anyway?!″

"Yeah-huh."

Noah was pacing frantically, muttering to himself. "I can't stay here. I _won't_ stay here. I will not spend another night sharing a dorm with Justin, with Alejandro, with _Lightning._ I want to go home, where I have my own room! Even with three of my siblings coming home, I'd only have to share with Micah!"

Izzy threw her arm around his shoulder (spear still in hand). "Hey, look on the bright side! This means that you and Eva can come to the Yule Ball with Owen and me! _"_ She leaned in to whisper. _"Maybe you can ask Cody."_

Noah began to grind his teeth.

A few feet away, Mike let out a sigh. "Man, this _stinks._ With this weather, we can't even send an owl to our families telling them what's going on!"

"Yeah...and I really don't want to leave my mom and dad alone on Christmas," said Zoey sadly.

Mike forced a smile, taking her hands in his. "Well...one good thing, at least. We get to be snowed in together."

She gave a wan smile, too. "True."

He leaned in close. "And hey...if worse comes to worst and we can't get home by Christmas...are you interested in actually giving this Yule Ball a try?"

Zoey giggled as she leaned in, too, close enough for her and Mike's noses to almost touch. "I dunno. Depends if anybody asks me."

'OH, WOULD YOU TWO GIVE IT A REST?!" Noah screamed, forcing himself between them so that they jumped apart. "I'm leaving before you lovebirds break out into sudden performance of 'Baby, It's Cold Outside!'"

They watched him storm off, then turned back to reach other.

"...I actually really like that song."

"Me too!"

* * *

"This is _so_ lame," said Taylor.

Kelly sighed. "I know, honey. I just hope your father's alright, all alone except for the house-elves on—"

"Whatever, Mom! I'm talking about this stupid ball! We're still having it, right?"

"I...suppose so. I mean, so many students are already planning to go and there's really no point in canceling it."

"Yes, there is. _I_ don't have a date!"

Kelly smiled. "Oh, don't worry about that! You're the prettiest girl in school, I'm sure you—"

"Yeah, exactly! So why do you think that nobody's asked me?"

"Uh..."

Taylor stomped her foot in annoyance. "Because of _you,_ Mom! Obviously people just don't want to date the teacher's kid! You've _ruined_ my social life!"

"What?" Kelly laughed nervously, which only made her daughter glare more. "No, honey, I'm sure I—tell you what, how about _I_ help find you a date?"

"Ugh, fine," she said, her tone implying that it was she rather than her mother who was doing the other a favor. "But he better be someone good."

She walked off, leaving Kelly biting her lip.

* * *

Back in the Great Hall, Sammy, who had been planning to go home, was being consoled by her friends. "It's not really that bad around here once you don't have to go to classes anymore," Jasmine was saying. "And if you're stuck here anyway, you can go to the Christmas party."

Sammy made a face. "I dunno...I don't have dress robes or a date or anything."

Suddenly there came a scoff. Sammy, Jasmine and Shawn all looked to see Amy standing snootily nearby. "Big surprise. Why would anyone ask a loser like Samey out anyway?"

Shawn scowled. "Don't listen to her, Sam. I'm sure there are lots of guys who want to take you."

"Or you could just go stag," said Jasmine, sounding sweet until she turned back to Amy. "You know, like your sister will _have_ to."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?!"

Shawn smirked. "I'm just saying, some guys go for looks, some go for personality, and it doesn't benefit someone with _your_ personality to have an identical twin."

" _Ugh!_ As _if_ anybody would date that wannabe over me! if I even _wanted_ to go to this stupid thing, I bet I could find a date _way_ before stupid Samey!"

And with that she stormed off, muttering to herself all the way back to the Slytherin Common Room. As soon as she entered, she saw Chet and Lorenzo standing an inch apart, screaming at each other as the other Slytherins either watched or tried to ignore them.

"Please, fart-breath! You couldn't find a date if you slipped a Love Potion to every girl in the castle!"

"Oh yeah?! I bet I can find one before _you,_ butt-face!"

"Hey! Um..." Amy looked from one to the other, trying to decide who would look better taking her. "Lorenzo? Would you like to take me to the ball?"

"Huh?! Sure! HA! IN YOUR FACE!" he added, as Chet scowled.

Amy smirked to herself and swept away to her dorm.

* * *

Needless to say, the news that they were all going to be stuck at Wawanakwa over Christmas break was distressing for many people. But no one, even the crying first-years, seemed to take it as hard as DJ.

" _Mama!_ " he crooned, faced buried in his arms. " _How can I have Christmas without Mama?!_ "

"Hey, man, I know you're bummed," said Geoff, patting him on the shoulder, "but look on the bright side! At least you get to spend Christmas with all your friends! Right, Duncan?"

"I'm rethinking Heather," Duncan said, completely not paying attention. "I mean, I feel gross even _thinking_ about going with her, but Gwen turned me down and I can't think of another girl who would ruffle Courtney's feathers more."

"Okay, dude? _Priorities,_ " said Geoff, who had once put himself in the hospital to win a two-Sickle bet. "Besides, I hear she's going with Harold."

" _...Seriously?_ So what girls are left?!"

"Excuse me!" said a voice that made all of the boys look up. "Do I hear that someone's having a hard time finding a date?"

Kelly approached them with a nervous smile. While Duncan raised an eyebrow, Geoff threw an arm around his shoulder.

"Yeah, Duncan here's having a little trouble finding the right chick to show up his ex-girlfriend." He frowned. "But, uh, aren't you already married or something?"

"What? Oh, no, no! I was wondering if you wanted to take my daughter Taylor. She's one year behind you boys. She's a really sweet girl," Kelly said, willing herself to almost believe it. "She's just having a...bit of a hard time. You know, shy, reserved and all."

"...Is she hot?"

Geoff elbowed him in the side. "I mean, uh—sure. Why not?"

"Oh, good! Thank you, boys," Kelly said before walking off.

Duncan turned to his friends. "Well, _is_ she hot?"

DJ, still sniffling, wiggled his hand in a "kinda-sorta" gesture.

* * *

Sky had to admit: she really liked Dave. He was cute. And smart, without being overly geeky. And, if you ignored his occasional neurotic breakdowns, he was pretty fun to be around.

He was even taking this whole blizzard thing surprisingly well—maybe because it wasn't effecting him directly, but still, he only made a passing remark about how roof might cave in from all of the snow, and spent more time poking fun his uncle Noah's uncharacteristically over-the-top reaction. Sky had to admit it got a chuckle or two out of her.

Which is why she hadn't really brought up the 'but' since he had first asked her to the Yule Ball.

"So, enjoying our romantic walk around the…inside of the castle?" Dave asked as they stopped outside the Hufflepuff Common Room.

Sky smiled nervously. "Romantic? Or friendly, you know…whichever." Dave started to frown. "Yeah, I enjoyed it."

"Cool. So, I'll see you later?"

"Sure. Later."

He smiled (which looked much less nervous than hers) and walked away. Sky tapped the entrance with her wand to get into the Common Room, and almost walked right into Ella as she exited. Ella dropped the books she had been carrying, which fell onto the floor with the contents of Ella's bag.

"Oh!" she said. "Sorry…here, let me…"

They both knelt down to collect their things, Sky surreptitiously watching Ella as they did so. Maybe it was just her, but Ella seemed to be acting strange lately. She was a lot less outgoing, and she seemed to be avoiding Sky's gaze. Sky hoped that everything was alright.

"So, where are you headed?" Sky asked as they rose, trying to make conversation.

"Oh…just to the Ravenclaw Common Room. I borrowed some of Leonard's schoolbooks to study for the exams."

"Oh. Too bad you didn't come out a minute earlier, Dave was just here and he could have taken them back for you."

Ella's whole body seemed to slump. "Yes, it's too bad I…missed Dave," she murmured. "Excuse me…"

She hurried off, leaving Sky to watch her go, frowning to herself.

* * *

"Man, I'm really having some crap luck lately," Trent mumbled, looking out of the frost-covered windows to the blizzard outside.

Cody gave an awkward smile and a vague shrug. "Well, it's not too bad, right? I mean, you've stayed over break before. And besides, now you get to go to the Yule Ball! Just because it's giving into Chris' evil plan doesn't mean that you can't have some fun with it."

"…Hey, yeah," Trent said, as the realization slowly dawned on him. _Gwen made it sound like she actually wanted to go with me. So if I'm really stuck here…_ "Yeah, you're right!"

"See? That's the spirit!" Cody gave him a playful punch on the arm. "Any idea who you want to ask?"

A smirk spread across Trent's face. "Yeah, I think so."

"Cool! But you better get to her quick—especially now, everyone's gonna be desperate. Honestly, I'm surprised I got to Gwen before anybody else—"

Cody kept walking and talking, but Trent's legs and brain suddenly came to a standstill. It took a moment for Cody to notice and turn.

"Trent? You okay?"

"You're…going with Gwen?"

"Yeah, she—oh. _Oh,"_ Cody said, with dawning horror. "I get what's going on. Jeez…I'm sorry, Trent," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "I completely forgot about the Bro Code, didn't I?"

"The…Bro Code?" Trent's mind had not completely unfrozen yet.

"Yeah—you know, never date a guy-friend's ex. I guess since you and Gwen still get along so well, I just didn't think—"

"You know what, Code-man? Don't worry about it."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Anyway—I gotta go. Talk to you later."

He walked off—presumably, Cody thought, to find that girl he wanted to ask to the ball.

He was almost back to Ravenclaw Tower when he realized he had never asked who the girl was. He frowned thoughtfully, trying to find any hints Trent had given about—

"Um, excuse me! You're a Ravenclaw, right?"

Cody looked up to see a fifth-year girl he vaguely knew named Ella approach him, a collection of books in her arms. "Could you return these schoolbooks to Leonard Spellman, please?"

"Oh, sure!"

"Thank you!"

She gave a wan smile, then headed back toward the Hufflepuff basement. Well, that was good luck, at least—normally she would have had to wait a while for someone to come in or out of the tower, instead—

"Uh, hey! One of these isn't a schoolbook, is it for him too?"

"Hmm?"

Ella went back to Cody, taking a book she didn't recognize. "I'm not sure what this is," she admitted. "I must have grabbed it by mistake. Thank you."

"No problem."

He disappeared into Ravenclaw Tower, leaving Ella to ponder the book alone. She opened it, and it immediately fell to a page held by a piece of notebook paper.

Ella read what was on the paper and gasped.

* * *

Gwen and her friends were in the library, for want of anything better to do when it was storming too hard to go outside. "Okay, let me get this straight. Now you're both gonna be here for the ball, but you're _still_ not gonna wise up and go together?!"

"I _tried_ to ask him, Leshawna! But then Cody asked me when he said no, so what am I supposed to say? 'Sorry, Cody, I'm canceling our date so that I can go with your hotter friend instead?'"

"Why would Cody ask you anyway?" Bridgette wondered. "I mean, he knows that you and Trent broke up under fishy circumstances. Doesn't he realize you want to get back together?"

"You'd be _amazed_ how oblivious Cody can be when he puts his mind to it. Or doesn't. Whichever."

"No offense, but I'm still blaming _you,_ girl. Why shouldn't he think you're over Trent, when you've already hooked up with Duncan and then spent _months_ avoiding the guy instead of just fixing the dang problem?!"

"I know, I know, okay?! _Ugh,_ it's all such a mess."

Just then, Leshawna spotted Harold among the shelves. "Just a second," she told the others. "Yo, Harold!"

He jumped like he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Leshawna! Hi! You're here!"

"Yeah, and it looks like I'm gonna be staying. But there's some good news, at least. Can I still take you up on that offer for a date to the Yule Ball?"

Harold turned shifty-eyed. "Um…I…can't." Leshawna was staring at him. "Because I…kind of made plans to go with a friend instead?"

"Babe, I don't think that Ezekiel or Cameron are gonna mind much if _—_ wait, you _better_ not be talking about the friend I _think_ you're talking about!" Her eyes flashed as Harold looked away. "Oh, she _didn't!_ I swear, if she slipped _you_ a dang Love Potion I'll—"

"What?! No, I'm not under a Love Potion! I don't _want_ to go on this date, but she roped me into it! Plus it's not even a date! She's just using me so that Alejandro will be jealous or whatever."

"Well, if it ain't a date, _break it up,_ then!"

"I can't do that! She'd kill me!"

" _I'll_ kill you!'

"Oh, yeah. But still, I can't break up one kind-of date just to go out with another girl I like more. Those are, like… _Alejandro_ dating tactics."

"Look, Harold, if you think I'm gonna let you go to that ball with that nasty, skinny little monster, you got another thing coming!"

Harold looked pained, but he drew up to his full height and put his hands over his heart. "I'm sorry, my dear. I would love to go with you, loved I not honor more. But—"

"UGH! You're just as bone-headed as Gwen!" she screamed, and stormed off to tell Gwen that she was being as bone-headed as Harold.

Harold watched her go, then breathed a sigh of relief. "That honestly went a lot better than I expected."

* * *

" _Harold?!_ " Alejandro gave Scott an incredulous look. "You're lying."

Scott shrugged, still lazing on his bed. "Hey, all I know is that's what Courtney heard from Bridgette."

"Why'd Mean Girl pick _that_ loser?" Lightning wondered. "I mean, she's hot. She could do better."

"I think you need to factor in her personality," Noah growled, but nobody seemed to hear him—probably because he could barley unclench his jaw enough to speak. He sat on his bed with his arms crossed tightly over his chest, glaring on general principle. _Three extra weeks with these people. I will murder Chris. Murder him so bloodily,_ Izzy _will vomit in horror._

But something in Alejandro's expression caught his eye; something like a glint of fear. The slimy eel tried to wave it off, though, chuckling to himself and shaking his head.

"Really, Heather? Is _that_ the best you could do to try and make me jealous? You could have at least picked someone, you know… _threatening._ "

"I don't see how you can laugh him off. He's got two girlfriends more than you do."

That time Alejandro _did_ hear, and gave Noah a sharp look. "What is that supposed to mean?!"

Oh, his tone…so defensive. In spite of his vow to stay silent and bitter, Noah couldn't stop the wheels from tuning in his brain. _He really_ does _find Harold threatening._ Which actually made sense, considering…

"I'm just saying, he and Heather have been… _close…_ for years now. In fact, I'm not sure I can think of _anyone_ else she likes so much…"

"She tolerates him as a friend! I'm not sure why, personally…and besides, he's with Leshawna."

"Wasn't he with Leshawna when _you_ started to flirt with her?" Noah made a show of pretending to think, while Alejandro's face turned red. Noah's mood was perking up considerably.

Lightning seemed to be bored of this conversation, or perhaps he simply forgot that it was going on, because he turned to Noah and asked "So, are you going to the ball with one of your loser friends or something?"

"It's tempting, but I think I'll stay in and alphabetize my pocket lint that night."

Justin, who had been too busy applying skin-care potions to join the conversation, chuckled from behind his mirror. "Oh, something tells me you'll wind up at the ball somehow."

"And what is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Well, Izzy wants you to go, doesn't she?"

"And?"

"When does Izzy ever fail to get what she wants?"

"…I hate you."

Justin finally lowered his mirror, wearing a mask of bubbling green gunk and a little smirk. "Hey, don't shoot the messenger."

* * *

"Come on, friends!" said Dakota as she ran through the corridors, dragging Courtney and Jo by the hands.

"Let me go!" Jo snapped, but she didn't try to resist; doing so was liable to rip her arm off.

"You're pulling too hard!" said Courtney.

They reached their destination: an empty classroom that now had a sign reading _Brick's Boutique_ on the door. Leshawna's cousin Leshaniqua was sitting at a table outside, counting some money; she looked up as they approached.

"Hey, y'all! Need some dress robes?"

"Uh-huh!" Dakota said, finally releasing her dormmates. "Dakota had some, but they no fit anymore."

Leshaniqua looked up at Dakota's orange, nine-foot frame. "Yeah, I can see that. Anyway, you're in luck—Brick has an opening right now."

"EEE!" Dakota clapped her clawed hands, then grabbed her friends again and, ignoring their objections, ran into the makeshift shop.

The classroom was fairly large, but it felt smaller; Brick had halved the space with a curtain, and the entrance area was crowded with rolls of fabric and a wooden folding screen. The seventh years Sanders and MacArthur were already waiting ahead of them.

"I can't believe I got roped into this," Jo grumbled, moving away from Dakota.

MacArthur chuckled. "Yeah. Can you believe my little brother set up this frou-frou operation? Wants to be a fashion designer or something. Sanders and I are only going to this ball for our prefect duties, but you should hear him go on about it—reminds me of when he was five and went through his 'horsey' phase—"

" _MacArthur,_ " Sanders said, elbowing her friend in the side.

Brick had emerged from behind the curtain, packages in his arm and a sour look on his face. "Here are your robes, Mackenzie," he said, barely moving his lips. "And Denise," he added, with a bit more deference.

"Thanks."

"Yeah, nice work, bro. C'mon, Sanders."

"But don't we need to pay?"

"Course not, I'm family," MacArthur said, and dragged Sanders from the room before she had a chance to object further.

Brick looked incredulous as they disappeared, and he stuck his head after them to yell "I'M COUNTING THAT AS YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT!" He closed the door, took a moment to collect himself and then smiled at his new customers. "Welcome to Brick's Boutique! Need some robes for the ball, right?"

"Yeah. Are these actually any good?" Courtney said, getting right to the point.

"I can pretty much promise they'll be better than whatever Chris is renting out. Though I _am_ using a Doubling Charm on my materials—they'll last through the ball, but don't be surprised if they start fraying a week or two later."

Jasmin (Leshawna's friend, not to be confused with Jasmine) stuck her head out from behind the curtain. "I can take somebody back here!"

"OOH! Dakota go first!" said Dakota, and ran through the partition. Jasmin blinked, giving Brick a look.

He waved his hand. "Do what you can, and we'll try to think of _something_ to do with those spikes. Come along, gals," he added to Courtney and Jo.

The other half of the classroom seemed even more crowded; Brick had set everyone else's orders to work making themselves, so that the air was filled with scissors cutting cloth and needles sewing on sequins. Jasmin was placing a pink tarp over Dakota's head as Brick motioned for the others to step up on a pair of stools.

"So, what colors do you ladies want?"

"I was thinking maybe purple," Courtney said.

"I don't even want to be here," Jo grumbled.

Brick considered her for a moment. "I'll get you purple too. It'd look nice with your eyes."

She blinked as Brick ran off, then came back with two robes for them to put on ("Jo, you need to uncross your arms for this"). He then got to work fitting them, moving from one girl to the other and back with surprising speed and dexterity.

"How many people are you making these for?" Courtney wondered as she surveyed the whole operation.

Brick chuckled. "I've lost count, to be honest—it started as just a favor to a few friends, but with everyone stuck here business has really taken off. I even had to hire some seasonal help," he added, nodding towards Jasmin. "But I'm making a ton of gold, and it's not like me to back down from a challenge!"

Jo scoffed. "Yeah, like making a few dresses is really such an accomplishment."

Brick's smile faltered, and Jo was surprised to see bags under his eyes when he turned to glare at her. He went back to sticking pins in her sleeve, and she looked away stiffly, feeling more awkward than she'd like to admit.

"So, you ladies got dates?"

"Dakota is going with Sam!" Dakota gushed.

"Yeah, I figured. I'll bet he's real excited about it too."

"I'm going with Scott."

"Ah, that's right. Uh, Duncan might have mentioned it…offhand once or twice."

Courtney simply "hmph"ed, while Jo chuckled. "You sure can pick 'em, can't you?"

"Oh, be quiet! You don't even have a date."

"Because I don't even want to go to this stupid party! I'm only here because _she_ dragged me off for a 'girls' day out,'" she added in an undertone, jerking her head toward Dakota.

"Well, you should stop by the party anyway. I don't have a date and I'm going," Brick said, sticking some last pins in her outfit and standing back to admire his work.

"…I'll think about it," she mumbled, looking pointedly away.

* * *

"Man, this sucks," Harold said, staring up at the top of his four-poster bed. "All I wanted to do was go to this stupid ball with Leshawna, and now she's about to break up with me for being forced to go with somebody else!"

"Wow. That makes me feel better about not having a date," said Cameron. He tuned to B. "By the way, how'd it go asking Dawn?"

B made an "A-okay" gesture without looking up from his book.

Just then, Cody came bounding into the dorm, grinning like a kid in a candy store. (Or _him_ in a candy store, for that matter.) "Guess who just got a corsage for his date?" he said, holding it up triumphantly. "It was the last one salvaged out of the greenhouses."

"It came form the greenhouses?"

"Don't worry, it doesn't bite…anymore." He held up his other hand, which had a bandage wrapped around one finger. "The point is, I now have everything I need to make me and Gwen's date go absolutely perfect!"

Giddy with success, Cody began to dance in place, his hands positioned as if he was holding an invisible Gwen. It looked about as ridiculous as it sounds, but that wasn't actually why his dormmates were staring at him.

"You're going with Gwen?" asked Cameron.

"Uh-huh," said Cody, in between humming "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" under his breath.

"…You know she has a thing for Trent, right?"

Cody, still dancing, chuckled. "What are you talking about? They broke up months ago!"

"Yeah, and everyone in our year has a pot going about when they're going to get back together," said Harold. "I lost five Galleons betting on Halloween."

Cody finally stopped dancing, but he was looking at his friends with skepticism. "Guys…heh, what are you talking about? If they wanted to get back together, they would have done it by now!"

"Not necessarily," said Cameron, adjusting his glasses. "It took them months to start dating the first time."

"No, it didn't!"

"Yes, it did," said Harold. "You just had such a big crush on Gwen that you didn't notice how much they liked each other _then,_ either. Remember?"

"Okay, but…no," said Cody, shaking his head. "B, back me up here. Do you think that Gwen and Trent still have a thing for each other?"

B lowered his book, gave Cody an incredulous look, then went right back to reading.

Cody hunched his shoulders, suddenly looking strangely small and vulnerable. "I'm gonna go find a second opinion," he mumbled, before slouching out of the room.

"Technically, you're looking for a fourth!" Cameron called.

"Cam? That's true, but it's not gonna make him feel better."

* * *

Ella sighed, glancing across the Great Hall to the Ravenclaw table, where Sky was sitting with Dave.

Just then, she saw Sugar approach. "Oh, hello," Ella said, trying to look happy (which wasn't usually a problem for her). "I thought you didn't like sitting with me during lunch?"

"Well, normally no, but I saw you lookin' sadder than a pig in a slaughterhouse and just had to come and see why!" She sounded very cheerful about that fact.

"Oh. Well…it's hard to explain."

Sugar pointed with her fork. "Dave over there asked Sky to the Yule Ball instead of you?"

"Oh!" Ella said, taken somewhat aback. "Yes, but…it's a bit more complicated than that." She leaned forward. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Ooh…is that rumor Sierra started 'bout her and Scarlett actually true, then?"

"Huh? _No,_ not that! I… _found this letter,"_ she said, dropping her voice to a whisper as she took it from her bag. "It's from Sky's _boyfriend_ back home."

"Boyfriend? Why, that means—"

"I know!"

"—all you gotta do is tell Dave and then he's all yours!" Sugar looked impressed. "Why, I didn't think you had something like that in you!"

"What?! _No!_ "

"So you're gonna use it as blackmail?"

" _No!_ Don't you realize that poor Dave is going to get his heart broken? But then, if I _don't_ tell him—"

"Hey—" Both girls looked up to see Carrie, who was sitting across from them with Devin. "Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but you know, just because Sky and Dave are going to the ball together doesn't mean that he doesn't already know about her boyfriend."

"Yeah. I mean, _I_ have a girlfriend but Carrie and I are still going together. You know, as friends."

"Yeah," said Carrie, who looked distinctly unhappy all of a sudden.

"But I talked to Dave after he asked Sky out, and…I don't think that's how he sees this."

Her gaze wandered back to the Ravenclaw table, and sure enough, Dave had the goofiest, most besotted expression as he listened to Sky talk about something.

"Yeah…he looks like he's crushing pretty hard," Carrie agreed.

Devin raised an eyebrow. "I don't see it."

"You wouldn't," said Sugar with uncharacteristic snark.

* * *

DJ tapped his foot impatiently as he and Duncan loitered in the corridor outside of the Slytherin basement. "Man, how long are we supposed to wait out here? It's been half an hour already!"

"Look, just—wait, here they come!" He quickly cleared his throat and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall and trying to look casual. "Yeah, I'm going to the ball with Taylor Lemieux!" he practically screamed. "Pretty sweet, huh?!"

DJ's eyes were half-lidded and his voice completely deadpan. "Wow, really, bro? That is sweet. She is one majorly hot mama."

"Yeah, we heard you the last five times," Scott muttered as he and Courtney walked passed on the way to the Great Hall. Courtney waited until their backs were to them before rolling her eyes.

Once they were gone, Duncan let out a growl and kicked the wall angrily. "What the hell?! I don't even get _one_ insult? Not a _twinge_ of jealousy?"

"No offense, man, but you already got plenty of that when you cheated on her with her best friend. Plus, by now she _probably_ knows that you're putting on an act." DJ pulled a piece of parchment from his pocket. "And this script you gave me ain't helping. Why can't I write my own lines, again?"

Duncan was glaring down at his shoes. DJ sighed. "Have you considered just _talking_ to Courtney? I mean, I doubt she'll want to get back together with you, but—"

"How many times do I have to tell people—do you really think I want to go back to dating with that killjoy?! To have her nagging me constantly and going all 'prefect' whenever I want to have any fun?!"

"Well, if you don't want her back, what _do_ you want?"

"I want— _agh,_ forget it!"

He threw up his hands and stormed off, grumbling to himself.

* * *

"So yeah, that's what Sugar told me," Staci drawled. "Apparently his name is Keith, and Dave doesn't know anything about him."

"Oh, wow. That's so... _ugh."_ Sierra fell back on her pillow, still a bit pale. "Oh, I wish I could get to the ball to see how it plays out! And to see my precious _Cody,_ " she whimpered, her hands clasped as though praying. "Do you have any idea why he hasn't visited yet?"

"I, uh...think he's been busy," Staci said, then quickly put her clipboard back in her bag. "Anyway, I gotta—"

"WAIT!" Sierra sat up again, grabbing her wrist. "He'll at least visit me for Christmas, right? And stay with me while the Yule Ball is going on and give me a beautiful antique broach, and we'll talk and then he'll spend the night holding my hand and _why aren't you looking at me while I'm talking to you?!"_

"...Yeah, you're gonna hear this eventually, so...Cody's going to the ball with Gwen."

" _WHAT?!"_

"But don't worry, Gwen still likes Trent and he wants to get back together with her, too. I'll let you know how that works out. _Bye!_ "

Sierra was so stunned that Staci was able to pull her arm free and dash out of the Hospital Wing before Sierra threw back her head and sobbed at the top of her lungs.


	3. Part 3: Jingle Bell Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Yule Ball finally happens! It's a mess, obviously.

It was still storming outside when everyone woke up on Christmas morning. Though many were still disappointed to be spending the day away from home for the first time, most at least had some forced cheer as they greeted friends, exchanged presents and yeah, you don't care. Let's skip to late afternoon.

Sierra was now in her eighth hour of crying that day. "But you _have_ to let me go! I have to stop _evil Gwen_ from stealing my little drummer boy!"

"Lookee here, nutcracker," said Nurse Chef, pouring out her potion. "My job is to keep you alive, and right now, you've still got a fever and can barely move your legs! What're you gonna do, huh? Crawl around Scrawny's feet during the slow dance? Now, I gotta go finish setting things up. You stay here and try to be less crazy."

"But—"

The door to the Hospital Wing slammed shut. Sierra slumped in her bed, dejected...and then sat up, a look of cold determination on her face.

* * *

All of the Slytherin sixth-years were busy getting ready for the ball, except for Noah. He was laying on his bed with a book in front of his face, hiding his grin.

"I still can't believe Pretty Boy didn't get a date. _Other_ Pretty Boy," Scott added, looking at Justin.

Justin was smirking as much as Noah. "You can borrow one of mine, if you want."

"I could have gotten a date if I wanted!" Alejandro snapped, sounding like a petulant child. "I'm going alone for when Heather finally comes to her senses."

Noah went back to his book, shaking his head in amusement. To be fair, he believed Alejandro—he probably could have gotten a date with any girl who didn't know him well enough to see what a tool he was. _Why didn't he? Did Heather picking Harold actually throw him off this much?_ Whatever the case, it was fun seeing him get so agitated. Noah almost wanted to go to the ball and see how this whole mess played out.

Then he remembered everything _else_ about the ball, and the fact that he would have the whole dorm to himself for four hours. It was the closest he was going to get to being back home. He would just pretend that the whiny first-years in the common room were his nephews, nieces and cousins.

Just then, Topher stuck his head into the sixth-years' dorm. "Hey, uh, Nolan or whatever? That chubby Hufflepuff wants to see you," he said, then vanished.

Noah rolled his eyes and got up, hoping that Justin and Alejandro wouldn't start bickering again until he got back. He stepped out of the common room to find Owen standing in the corridor outside, looking sheepish. He had managed to tame his hair and was wearing black dress robes.

"Nice duds," Noah said. "But shouldn't you be going to Ravenclaw Tower to pick up your psycho girlfriend?"

"Yeah, but...well, I'm supposed to be distracting you so that she can move in for the kill. Sorry."

"What are you—AGH!"

Izzy let out a happy laugh as she dropped down from the ceiling, a length of rope in her hands.

* * *

"Alright, now I'm just back to give you your dinner," Chef said, sounding harassed as he swept back into the Hospital Wing. "And I don't want any funny business while I'm at the ball, you—uh..."

The Hospital Wing was empty. Sierra's bed was disheveled but unoccupied.

"Uh-oh."

* * *

"Gwen! Looking good."

Gwen rolled her eyes as Cody sauntered over, but tried to smile good-naturedly. "You too," she said, with significantly less implied lechery. "But why did you want to leave for the ball this early? We'll get there half an hour before it starts."

"Actually, I have a special surprise for you before we get there!"

Gwen's brain actually stalled for a minute, trying to process all the potential ways that this could go wrong. "What kind of surprise?"

"It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you," he teased. "Oh, and here—put this on."

He took out a blindfold. The last vestiges of Gwen's forced smile vanished from her face.

"You do remember that we're only going as friends, and I'll kill you if this is something bad, right?"

"I'm prepared to take that chance!"

Gwen gave Cody a look, and he just smiled pleasantly. Though there was something _off_ about his smile. Not in the sense of being a perverted leer, but just something...nervous? Awkward? Forced?

Gwen gave Cody a warning glare and reluctantly tied on the blindfold. "Don't worry, you won't be disappointed," Cody said, his tone still annoyingly upbeat. "Now, if you'll let me lead the way—"

He took her hand and, before she could object, began to pull her after him out of the common room. She tried to figure out where they were going, but she lost any sense of direction after the second staircase. "Are we in a secret passage right now?" she asked, irritation returning to her echoing voice. She knew what some students liked to do in the castle's many hidden areas.

"We've been in three, actually. I find a _lot_ of them hiding from Sierra. Anyway, let's just move aside this tapestry and— _voila!_ "

He pulled her along a few more feet, stopped, and then moved behind her to take off her blindfold. She blinked in the sudden light, then frowned when she noticed where they were. "This is just a hallway."

"Which hallway?" he asked playfully.

"The...one near Gryffindor Tower, I guess?"

"Very good! And if my watch doesn't deceive me, your surprise should be here—ah, there we go!"

The portrait to the Gryffindor Common Room swung open. "Yeah, okay, Brick, but why—"

Trent froze. So did Gwen.

"Oh...hey, guys," he said, eyes darting around in search of a bottomless hole that he could jump into. "What are doing up here? Shouldn't you...be at the ball, or whatever?"

"Actually..." Cody was still holding Gwen's hand, but now he held it out for Trent to take. "I think that _you_ guys should be at the ball or whatever."

There was a one-second beat before both Trent and Gwen said "What?" at the same moment.

Cody's slightly-awkward smile was back in place as he looked from one to the other. "Well, a little birdie...by which I mean almost every person in our year...told me that you two might want to go together more than you wanted to go 'as friends' with me." He quirked an eyebrow at Gwen. "Is that true?"

"Um..." As if this situation couldn't get any more awkward. She looked up, and her eyes met Trent's, which were anxious but hopeful.

"Maybe?"

Cody turned to his friend. "And Trent?"

He suddenly snickered. "You're actually enjoying this, aren't you?"

"I'm a showman, deep down. If I'm gonna lose the girl, I at least want to look classy about it."

Both of them snorted, and then Trent took Gwen's hand. "So, uh...would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me?"

She grinned. "I guess."

"Oh, _finally!_ " said Brick; the other three jumped, having forgotten he was there. "I'm sorry, Trent, but you don't realize how annoying it was watching you mope around the common room, wasting time before you finally got back together. Why couldn't you have done it last week? Then I would have won the pool!"

"There was a—wait. I don't think I can go to the ball," Trent said suddenly. "I don't have any dress robes, and I'm not sure how much gold it'll cost to—"

"Oh! One more thing, Cody," Brick said, suddenly producing a package. "Here's that last-minute order."

"Oh, thanks!" Cody took it, examined it briefly, and then held it out to Trent. "Merry Christmas! I hope it's your size!"

"It should be, I have plenty of access to his clothes, the way he leaves them all over the floor."

Trent chuckled again. "You really thought of everything, didn't you?"

Cody shrugged modestly. Gwen smiled, then wrapped him in a hug. "This was really sweet of you! What can I do to repay you?"

Cody's smile looked warmer now as he returned the hug. "I wouldn't say no to getting your bra. See, I have this bet— _AGH!"_ Gwen's hug had suddenly turned painfully tightly. "Never mind!"

Once Gwen had released him, Trent held out her hand. "So, uh...should we get going? I can change in a bathroom on the way there. To delay telling Duncan that I'm going with you," he added, when Gwen looked confused. "He's been in a bad mood lately."

"Okay. Um..." Gwen looked awkwardly at Cody. "Are you still planning to go, or...?"

"Yeah, but you lovebirds go on ahead."

"Okay. Thanks, man. I really owe you one."

He gave Cody a high-five, and in the process, Cody flicked his wrist so that a corsage fell out of his sleeve. It landed in Trent's hand. He let out another snort as Cody winked.

They walked off, holding hands and smiling. Cody and Brick watched them go, before the latter asked, "So, uh...you okay?"

"Yeah. Disappointed, but, you know...if they're happy, I'm happy." Another smirk crossed his face. "And besides, this just means that the Code-man is still on the market! How many girls do you think are going to the ball solo?"

Brick rolled his eyes, then motioned to the portrait hole. "I gotta go get ready myself. See you at the ball?"

"Yeah, see ya."

He went back into the Gryffindor Common Room, leaving Cody alone in the corridor. He smiled to himself, pleased that everything worked out as neatly as he had hoped. He wondered if he should head off now, or—"

"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY—"

Cody spun around, his color draining so fast it was like someone had cast a spell on his face.

Sierra was bounding down from a side corridor, on a pair of crutches, moving faster than _anyone_ on a pair of crutches had any right to go. Cody felt like a deer trapped in headlights. He had no time! What should he do?!

He flinched back for Sierra's impact, but instead she suddenly let out a cry and fell by his feet. Immediately she started sobbing. Cody blinked.

"Are...you okay?"

"Of course! But that— _that was so beautiful!"_ She sniffled loudly. "I mean, sure, I kind of liked her better with Duncan—minus the whole cheating thing, anyway—but you helping them get back together, even though you stupidly like her better than me—it's just so—ROMANTIC!"

She broke down into a fresh peal of sobs, as Cody began to feel very awkward. He bent down and helped her back onto her crutches, and was mildly surprised that she allowed this without any inappropriate touching. That was pretty good by her standards.

"What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be in the Hospital Wing?"

She sniffled, drying her eyes on her sleeves. "I checked out to go to the Yule Ball."

"Oh. Um..." He didn't know what else to say. He was actually kind of touched that she was making such a big deal about him setting up Gwen and Trent.

Then Cody got an idea. An _awful_ idea. Cody got a horrible, _awful_ idea, but somehow he found himself going along with it anyway.

"Hey...since I don't have a date anymore...would you like to go to the ball with me?" She looked up, gasping so hard that she coughed, almost swallowing her tongue. "As friends!" he added quickly. "Platonic friends who go to a ball together in a strictly non-romantic way." He wanted to make his intentions perfectly clear.

"Friends?" Her expression drooped, but only for a moment. "Um...sure!"

"Okay then," Cody said, wondering if he had just made a terrible mistake.

As they headed off, something else occurred to Cody. "Hey, you are... _allowed_ out of the Hospital Wing right now, right?"

"...Sure! Of course!"

* * *

Well, Duncan had to admit: Taylor Lemieux was respectably good-looking. She had nice hair, at least. She might do a reasonably good job of inciting Courtney's jealousy.

The downside was her personality.

" _Seriously?_ My mom set me up with someone with a _green mohawk?_ And what are you wearing?"

Duncan raised his eyebrow. "Uh, my clothes?" he said, his tone no friendlier than hers.

"You couldn't get any _dress robes?"_

"Like I told my dormmate, I'm not gonna spend a bunch of money buying something that I'm only going to wear once. Now come on."

He slouched off towards the Great Hall, leaving Taylor to scoff, glare and then follow, grumbling to herself.

Don was standing at the entrance as students filed past. "Good, good, _stop._ Forget to dress up, Mr. Stone?"

Duncan stopped and crossed his arms. "Hey, this getup is good enough for class, why isn't it good enough for your hoity-toity party?"

"You do know what the term 'hoity-toity' _means,_ don't you? No one gets in without dress robes. That's the rule."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll rent one."

"Oh, good." Don motioned to a rack of clothes off to the side. "The price is ten Galleons for the night. Or you can pay five Galleons per hour, but that's not a great deal unless you're planning to just stay for dinner."

"What the— _ten Galleons for the night?!_ My roommate was _selling_ dress robes for less than half that!"

"Yeah. He must have sold a lot, too, because you're the first person who actually wanted to rent one!" Don said cheerfully.

"No way am I paying that!"

"Excuse me."

Duncan's head snapped around so quickly that he cricked his neck. Courtney was standing behind him in dark lavender dress robes, arm entwined with Scott, who was wearing green.

"Ah," Don moved aside to let them pass, winking. "Enjoy the Yule Ball, you crazy kids!"

Courtney didn't glance at Duncan as she passed, though Scott turned his head to give him a self-satisfied smirk.

Duncan let out a low growl. "Taylor, can I borrow some money?"

* * *

Aside from all of the Christmas decorations, the Great Hall now featured many small tables instead of four big ones. Gwen and Trent took an empty spot and looked around as the rest of the tables filled up.

"I'm...really glad you're not mad about the whole Heather thing," Trent said, still feeling a bit sheepish.

"Well, _I'm_ glad you're not mad at me for not figuring out what was going on. I should have realized that something was up."

Their eyes met. "So, do you think that...even after all this...we could go back to the way—"

"Okay, seriously, Gwen? _Seriously?"_

Gwen's fourth-year brother Kevin was standing over them, looking incredulously from one to the other. Trent facepalmed. "Oh, yeah. This feels familiar."

"I thought you said you were coming with Annoying Stalker Geek! This is actually a _downgrade_ from Annoying Stalker Geek! Still an upgrade from the Green-Haired Jackass, but not by much."

"Kevin—"

"Do I have to remind you that this guy broke your heart? Cheated on you?!"

"No, he _broke_ _up_ with me."

"After drinking a _Love Potion,_ " Trent added.

Kevin glared. "Yeah, and your low resistance to dangerous magic has been noted, don't worry. Now, do you really expect me to stand idly by as—"

Trent suddenly pointed across the room. "Hey, isn't that cute fourth-year Scott Verhoeven's little sister? What's she doing sitting all by herself?"

"Yeah, especially with _her_ overprotective brother sitting all the way on the other side of the room?" Gwen added.

Kevin rolled his eyes, "I'm fourteen, not _four._ I'm not going to be fooled by—oh my gosh, Albertha really is sitting alone." He hesitated for a moment, then pointed his finger threateningly at Trent. "I'm watching you," he said before running off.

Gwen snorted as Trent grinned. "Now, where were we?"

* * *

"No way. I'm not going in like this."

"Well, I didn't lend you ten Galleons so that he could hide in a bathroom all night!"

"These dress robes have _lace._ I am not being seen in robes that have this many holes, smell like somebody died in them, and have _freaking lace_ all over the— _hey!"_

Taylor pushed Duncan into the Great Hall, and he stumbled in, glaring once he regained his footing. Taylor marched past him. Duncan looked up, then spotted Courtney and Scott at a nearby table.

"Let's sit here," Duncan said, picking a table close enough to observe the two without being seen himself.

"Uh, no. I want to find my friend Amy and her loser date."

"Yeah, well, _your_ loser date is sitting here. Huh. Is this a menu? Gotta give Chef some props there...too bad the food probably still sucks."

Duncan peeked over the top of the menu at Courtney, who was talking amiably to Scott, as Taylor crossed her arms and fumed.

* * *

"Why are we sitting with these losers?" Heather grumbled, glaring at Cameron and Brick. "I wanted to sit with _my_ friends."

"Like who?" asked Cameron with what sounded like sincere interest.

Heather opened her mouth, closed it, then glared harder.

Harold, meanwhile, was looking uncharacteristically moody, slumping in his seat with his head resting in his hand. He perked up suddenly and waved. "Hey, Leshawna!″

Heather turned her basilisk eye at him as Leshawna looked over, gave Harold a steely glance and then sat down with Gwen and Trent. Harold wilted again.

"Hey guys!"

Harold looked up as Owen, Izzy, Noah and Eva took the empty tale next to them.

"Oh. Hey," he said morosely.

"Hiya," Brick said. "Eva, I thought you said you weren't coming?"

"Izzy kidnapped me."

"And me," Noah added.

"Oh. So _that's_ why she ordered those extra dress robes," he mumbled, looking down at the pair's outfits.

"But at least Don made her untie us before we came in," Noah drawled.

"Oh, cheer up!" Izzy said, giving him a playful slap on the arm. "We're here to have fun!"

"Yeah, well I—huh."

Eva followed his gaze. At a nearby table, sitting by himself, was Alejandro. Like Duncan, he has positioned himself so that he could stare at his prey (in this case, Heather and Harold) without being seen by either of them. He was tapping his fingers on the table, his expression hard.

As Noah watched, those fourth-year twins approached his table. "Excuse me! Are these seats taken?"

" _Go away!"_

Jay and Mickey both "eep!"ed and ran off.

"Well, maybe this won't be so bad after all," Noah said, smirking.

* * *

Chef was hurrying down to the Great Hall when one of the suits of armor suddenly reached out and grabbed him.

" _Psst! Chef!_ "

He pulled his arm away, giving the armor a look. "Chris?! What you doin' out here?!"

"Trying to get into the ball! All the teenagers are probably already killing themselves without me!" he whined, like a small child upset that his older siblings wouldn't let him join their Quidditch match. "You gotta help me sneak in!"

"After the stunt you pulled?! Everyone in the building wants to throw you to the dementors, and I sure as heck don't blame 'em!"

"Oh, come on! Think of all we've been through!"

Chef gave him a look that indicated he really did remember _all_ that they had been through. "I mean, think of the good times!" Chris corrected quickly. "Come on, just distract Don or whoever else is guarding the door and—"

"HEY!" said Professor Josh, who was just now heading down to dinner. "IS THAT CHRIS?!"

Chris let out a strangled gasp, and with a POP! disappeared from inside the suit of armor.

* * *

With dinner done, the teachers magicked the tales off to the side and Conjured a stage for the band. "MERRY CHRISTMAS, WAWANAKWA!" Rock screamed, before he and Spud started blaring on their guitars. Beardo was pulling off a superb drum solo using only his mouth.

Many of the couples ran onto the dance floor; Jacques and Josee posed the whole way, Sugar was practically dragging Leonard, and Izzy was riding Owen like a horse. (It was unclear if Owen had consented to this.) Eva gave the pair a wary look.

"If we want to escape, now's our chance."

"She'd probably just hunt us down," Noah said. "And besides, I'm kind of waiting to see what happens with Alejandro. Speaking of which..."

* * *

Harold glanced longingly to the dance floor, then to his sour-looking date. "So, do you want to dance?"

" _No."_

"...Then can I find Leshawna and dance with her?"

"NO!"

"Heather! _Feliz Navidad_ ," Alejandro said, before turning to give Harold a dark look. "You wouldn't mind if I borrowed your lovely escort for just one or two dances?"

"Go ahe—"

" _Actually,_ we were just about to dance ourselves. Come on, Harold."

" _Whoa—_ "

Alejandro began to grind his teeth as he watched her drag him off.

* * *

Geoff and Brody were giggling together at the refreshment table when Junior ran up to them. "Hey, guys!"

"Yo, man! Merry Christmas!" said Brody, giving him a playful punch on the arm. Then he blinked. "Wait a sec. Aren't you a third-year?"

Junior poured himself a cup of punch. "No, I'm a short fourth-year. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it." He winked, took a sip of his drink, and immediately spat it out. " _UGH!_ This punch tastes awful! What the heck's in it?!"

The older boys immediately broke into snickers again. "Firewhiskey," Geoff said, taking the nearly-empty bottle out of his pocket.

"Oh. Cool!" Junior said, forcing a grin. "It's just—you know, I usually like something a little... _stronger_ myself."

He took another slow sip, trying very hard not to grimace.

* * *

Taylor scoffed. "Aren't you going to ask me to dance or something?"

"No."

Scott and Courtney got up and headed towards the dance floor. "Wait—yes."

"Finally," Taylor muttered, but she looked sour as she followed him.

On the way, they passed Harold and Heather. "Can we stop dancing now? Leshawna is glaring, like, _really_ hard. It's starting to scare me."

"Not until Alejandro _starts_ glaring at us."

"You know, it's becoming increasingly difficult for you to pretend that this whole thing isn't just a ploy to get him to—OW!" he screamed, as Heather stomped very hard on his foot.

* * *

Emma sighed, leaning against the wall during a momentary reprieve from having to yell at any other students. "This stupid dance is making everybody act like a bunch of animals," she muttered.

"That's not fair. Put in enough effort, and most animals can be trained," said the boy standing a few feet away.

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "True. I don't think any amount of training could break in that Izzy Turnbull."

"Izzy's a friend of mine."

"...Oh. Sorry."

"No, I was just saying, I understand exactly where you're coming from."

Emma chuckled, then gave the boy a look. "Have we met before?"

"I don't think so," he said, not quite aware of why he was smirking. "My name's Noah Kumar."

* * *

"Stupid—who does she think she'd kidding—as if I actually believe—"

"Who are you talking to?" asked Tammy.

" _None of your business!_ " Alejandro snapped. The girl just shrugged and walked away with some snacks.

Alejandro took her place by the refreshment table, pouring himself a cup of punch. He sipped it slowly while watching Harold and Heather across the room, failing to notice that Harold, in turn, was watching the table where Leshawna sat with Gwen and Trent.

 _Noah was just being an idiot,_ he thought. _There's no way that she could see anything in that scrawny, awkward, annoying..._

He poured himself another cup. "At least the punch is good," he muttered, wondering why it tasted so pleasantly spicy.

* * *

"Okay, Sanders, keep your eyes open," MacArthur said, cracking her knuckles. "I'm just itchin' to give someone a detention."

Sanders gave her friend a look. "Come on, MacArthur. I know we're prefects, but it's not like we need to go _looking_ for trouble."

It looked like MacArthur was about to answer, but she turned as Brody appeared on her other side. "Hey, MacArthur! Merry Christmas!"

"'Sup, Brode? Wanna help us look for troublemakers to come down on?"

"Uh, actually I was wondering if you wanted to dance or make out or something?"

"Oh, cool! Hey, Sanders, who can handle this on your own, right?"

"Huh?" Sanders said, but by the time she turned the others were already lost in the crowd.

* * *

"I'm having _such_ a good time with you, Cody."

"Me, too!" _Shockingly,_ he almost said aloud. "So, uh...do you wanna try dancing with those crutches, or—"

"YES!" she cried, so loud that Cody and a few other people covered their ears.

Unfortunately her scream also attracted Chef, who was searching for her through the crowd. He turned; she noticed and quickly grabbed Cody's hand. "Uh, actually, look! There are Amy and Taylor let's go talk to them _hurry!_ "

* * *

Max chuckled to himself as he approached the refreshment table, hiding the flask of potion in the baggy sleeves of his robes. He had diluted it enough that it wouldn't hurt anyone else as badly as Sierra, but still, as far as ee-vil plans went this would be—

" _Agh!_ "

Someone ran into him, causing the flask to fly out of his sleeve and shatter on the floor. The black liquid began to sizzle ominously on the stonework.

"Oh," said Ella, covering her mouth with her gloved hand. "I'm sorry!"

"Ignoramus! That was my— _grumble, grumble—_ "

He stormed off in a huff. Ella frowned to herself, then looked back toward the table where Dave and Sky were laughing together. She bit her lip. "Okay...you can do this, Ella..."

She started to walk toward their table. At the same moment, Sky turned to Dave and said, "Want to dance?"

"Dance? Sure!" he said, forcing a smile as he stood. "I like to dance. Nothing awkward or potentially dangerous about that, right?"

Sky chuckled, also rising. "Dangerous? What, did you hurt yourself dancing once?"

For a moment Dave went silent with a haunted look in his eye, but then he shook his head and took Sky's hand. "Never mind. Anyway, let's—"

"Dave! Sky! Hi! Oh, that rhymes," Ella said. "Um, Dave? Could I please talk to you alone for a moment?"

"Actually, Sky and I were about to go dance."

"Oh. But, um...it's kind of important—I think..."

"Is something wrong?" Sky asked, frowning.

"Oh, yes. I mean, no! I mean—nobody's _hurt_ or anything, but...oh, dear." Ella gave a nervous little titter. "I don't seem to be able to talk today. Um..."

As Dave and Sky both stared at an increasingly-anxious Ella, Sugar appeared.

"Ooh, what's happenin'? I haven't missed it, have I?"

"Sugar!"

"Missed what?" asked Sky.

"I promised Sierra I'd tell her exactly what happens!"

"I think she's actually here," Dave said, pointing off into the crowd. "I saw her come in with Cody. He looked happy, I'm actually a little worried she may have Imperiused him or something..."

"She's here?" Sugar said, following his gaze. "Maybe I should call her over..."

"Sugar, _please..._ "

"What exactly is going on?" asked Sky.

"Oh, good! You haven't told him yet!"

"TOLD ME WHAT?" Dave asked loudly.

"'Bout Sky's boyfriend back home!" Sugar blinked, then snapped her fingers. "Well, drat! Sorry to steal your big moment, Ella."

"I'm sorry!" Ella gasped; admittedly she didn't know what she was apologizing for, but felt the need to do it for _something._ "We got our books mixed up, and there was a note between the pages, and I wasn't sure if you already knew and maybe I was jumping to conclusions but—D-Dave?"

Dave's face had gone oddly blank, causing all three girls to stare (Sugar with some anticipation). Then his eye twitched, and he suddenly grabbed his hair and screamed, causing people at nearby tables to look around in surprise.

" _You have a boyfriend?! A BOYFRIEND?!_ "

"I did! I mean, I do—I was going to break up with Keith before the semester started, but—"

"But you _didn't?!_ Not even when you decided to go out with me?!"

"Well, I tried to tell you when you asked me, but you wouldn't listen!"

" _YOU COULD HAVE TRIED HARDER!_ Or, you know, _not come out with me tonight!_ "

Sky was starting to look less defensive and more angry. "Well, you know, you're throwing an absolute fit about this, but I never said that this was an actual date or anything anyway!"

Ella wrung her hands. "Friends, please don't—"

"Well, if this wasn't supposed to be a date, you sent some pretty mixed signals!"

"Did you tell What's-His-Name that you were goin' out with Dave?" Sugar asked suddenly.

" _Sugar, stop!_ "

"What? I'm just sayin', if it wasn't a date she probably wouldn't mind tellin' her actual boyfriend about it, would she?"

"You know, that's actually a _good point!_ " Dave said, spinning around to face Sky again. "Am I a big secret to him, too, or—"

"I told you I wanted to break up with him!"

" _So which is it?!_ Is this a date and it's alright because you were _planning_ to break up with him, or is it _not_ a date and I'm a big baby for assuming that it was?!"

"Both!"

"That doesn't make sense!"

"Yes, it does!" Sky said, though she had to pause for a moment to figure out how. "It's— _kind of_ a date, but you shouldn't have assumed—"

"OH, FORGET IT!"

Dave threw up his hands and stalked away; Sky let out a frustrated growl and stormed off with her hands balled into fists. Ella and Sugar were left standing there, the former pale, the latter smirking.

Leonard (Sugar's kind-of-a-date) came up with two cups of punch. "There you are! What's going on? I could hear screams coming from across the room!"

* * *

"...But obviously, a house with eleven people living in it wasn't going to stay empty for long. So five minutes after Jared sneaks his girlfriend in, me, my mom and Leanne get back to find him in the living room wearing—"

Emma, who had been grinning through the last ten minutes of the Kumar family's dysfunction, suddenly looked away with a grimace. "Ugh, I think I hear someone fighting. Maybe we can pick this up later?"

"Yeah, cool."

She disappeared into the crowd, leaving Noah to look after her with a besotted smirk on his face.

A minute later, Owen appeared on his other side, looking exhausted. "Hey, have you seen Izzy? She said something about nargles and then—Noah? Little buddy?" He waved his hand in front of Noah's still-smirking face. " _Hel-lo?_ "

* * *

Emma sighed, brushing some hair out of her face. "Well, that's _another_ crisis averted. Now where'd he go...?"

"He? He who?"

Kitty appeared so suddenly that she might as well have Apparated. She had a sly look on her face, which instantly earned a stern one from her sister. "Some guy I was talking to. What do you care?"

"Carrie said that she saw you flirting with the sixth-year Slytherin prefect."

" _What?!_ I was not _flirting!"_

 _"Yes you were!_ " Kitty said in her most annoying-little-sisterly singsong. "I didn't see it but I can _tell_ by how angry you look right now! See?" She pointed at Emma's increasingly stony expression. " _That's_ your flirty face."

"...Shouldn't you be off causing trouble for me to fix?"

"Actually, that's a good point—I haven't even danced with anybody yet. Hey, wanna dance?" she asked, turning to the boys who were standing closest to them.

Jay and Mickey both looked up, startled; the latter pointing to himself. "Are you talking to _us?_ "

"Sure," Kitty said, and without another word grabbed his arm and dragged him out onto the dance floor.

" _Whoa—!"_

Emma rolled her eyes as Jay called after them. "Be careful! He's very fragile!"

* * *

"I have to say, you're a better dancer than I expected," Courtney said, smiling up at Scott.

He smiled back nervously. "Thanks. I've gone square-dancing a lot. Never _willingly,_ but..."

He suddenly scowled. Courtney looked over her shoulder. "Let me guess. Duncan's still— _oof!_ "

" _AGH!_ " Taylor snapped as her and Courtney's shoulders collided. "Watch where you're going!"

"Whoops! Sorry," said Duncan, flashing the least sorry smile that any of them had ever seen. "Oh, hey, Court! Funny bumping into you here, huh?"

Courtney glared. Scott glared. Taylor glared, but that didn't stop Duncan from suddenly wrapping his arm around her shoulder and hugging her close.

"So, have you met my date? This is Terri."

" _Taylor,_ " said the other three in unison.

"Right, right," he said with an airy wave. "Pretty easy on the eyes, isn't she?"

Taylor glared (even though she _did_ look amazing, thank you very much). Courtney's eye twitched. Scott, meanwhile, rolled up his sleeves before pulling his wand out of his pocket.

"Look here, you—"

" _Scott,_ " Courtney said, with enough force to draw his attention away from her leering ex. "Let _me_ handle this, alright?"

"...Are you gonna curse him?"

" _No._ Well, probably not," she added in an undertone. " _Duncan?_ Can I have a word?"

Duncan (who seemed _fantastically_ bad at reading the room) smirked as he followed her a few feet away, their dates looking on with sour expressions.

" _So,_ " he began, but she immediately cut him off.

" _What is your problem?!_ "

His grin faltered. "What do you mean? I'm just—"

" _Staring_ at us us from across the room? Making a _fool_ of yourself trying to embarrass _us,_ too? Don't worry, I've noticed!"

"Well, if you noticed, maybe you should have said something!" Duncan snapped, the words slipping out before he realized that he had been thinking them.

" _What?!_ So this is some...childish cry for _attention,_ or something?"

" _No!_ "

"Then what is it?!"

Duncan opened his mouth, closed it, and tried to think of a response. "What are you doing here with _Scott,_ anyway? Don't tell me that your standards have fallen that low since we broke up."

" _Scott_ —happens to be a gentleman and really nice when you get to know him."

"And I'm not?!"

"You're—so _that's_ what this is about?! You want me to come crawling back to you, after you cheated on me with one of my best friends?!"

He scoffed, and Courtney was surprised that it didn't sound fake like she would have expected. "Yeah, like I'd even _take_ you back!"

"So you just want to _annoy_ us all night? Get some kind of—petty revenge for _daring_ to date another guy after you?"

"No!"

" _Then what, Duncan?! What are you trying to gain from this stupid, annoying charade?!"_

"I—I want you to—uh..."

Duncan was suddenly very aware of all the people staring at them, couples frozen in mid-dance to gape at their argument. He had never felt awkward fighting with Courtney in front of people before, but now he found himself at a complete loss for what he was supposed to say.

"Look—Princess—"

He hadn't even realized that he was reaching for her hand until he saw her angrily pull it away. "I'm _not_ your 'Princess' anymore! Now, leave me alone until you actually have something that you want to say!"

She stormed off. Duncan was too shocked to move, the other students still staring awkwardly.

He suddenly let out a growl, bowed his head and pushed his way through the crowd, stomping toward the exit.

Near the door, Jen and Tom were cheerfully talking with Brick.

"Really? You think so?"

"Definitely!" said Tom. "Any one of these robes could pass for a professional—"

" _Move it!_ " Duncan snapped, shoving them both aside.

Jen watched him go with a horrified look. "...You didn't make _that_ one, did you?"

* * *

"Hey, dude. You alright?"

Duncan looked up to see Geoff and DJ cautiously approach the staircase where he was moping. He looked back down. "Shouldn't you be enjoying a slow dance with your date?" he grumbled.

"Hey, don't be a jerk. We're giving up a party to console your whiny butt," DJ said, before Geoff could speak. Duncan mumbled indistinctly.

The two Hufflepuffs sat down on either side of their friend; after about five seconds of silence, Geoff began to nervously bounce his leg. " _So._ Uh...wanna talk about it?"

" _No!"_ Duncan snapped. Then, "Did you hear the way she talked to me? She's never sounded like that before."

"Uh...to be fair, I've heard you two yell at each other a lot," said DJ.

"Not like that. She just sounded so... _dismissive._ "

He fell silent again. DJ and Geoff exchanged a look, the latter sending back a confused shrug that Duncan couldn't see. Then, with an awkward frown, he patted him in the shoulder. "Look, man...I hate to say it, 'cause I've been really pulling for you two, but...no matter what you try, I don't think she's ever gonna wanna get back—"

"I _don't_ want to get back together with her! How many times do I need to freaking say it?!"

Geoff winced back, while DJ frowned. "How 'bout just once, but when it's _not a_ ttached to some harebrained scheme to get her attention?"

Duncan opened his mouth, closed it, and then looked down at his shoes. It was a long moment before he finally spoke again.

"I really _don't_ want to get back with her," he muttered, "but...I guess I still thought we _were._ We always have, right?"

The others exchanged another look as Duncan sighed, letting his chin fall to his chest.

* * *

Max grumbled as he threw himself onto a seat at an empty table, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. It took him a moment to hear the soft sniffling that was coming from the next table, where Ella was sitting alone, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. He shot her a look.

"Do you mind?!"

"What? _Oh._ I'm sorry." She sniffled again. "I've just…had a bad night, is all."

" _You've_ had a bad night?! Thanks to you and your clumsy ways, all my beautiful ee-vil plans have been thwarted!" He glared at her, then tilted his head thoughtfully. "Though I suppose your misery does make up for that a _little…"_

Ella just kept looking sad. Which was strange, because Ella was never sad. It was one of the things that made her so annoying.

"But since I _didn't_ enact my diabolical plan to poison you and your fellow peons, why _are_ you being so whiny?" he wondered aloud.

"Oh…it's hard to explain," she sighed. "But I think I wound up making several people very unhappy tonight."

"Oh. Congratulations!"

She blinked. He frowned.

"…Not what you wanted to hear, then?"

* * *

"This is nice, isn't it?" said Devin, who was having a platonic dance with Carrie during one of the Wrocker's relatively slower songs.

"Mmm-hmm," Carrie sighed, resting her head on Devin's shoulder in a less-than-platonic way.

Suddenly that warm support under her head vanished, and in the second that it took Carrie to look up in surprise, Junior had somehow appeared in place of Devin, who was now rising from the floor, looking disoriented.

"Hey! You don't mind if I cut in, do you?" Junior asked, his voice notably deeper than usual.

* * *

Chef was grabbing random people on the dance floor. "Hey! You see that crazy Ravenclaw girl with the purple hair around anywhere?"

Meanwhile, Sierra was racing through the crowd to dodge him, _somehow_ managing to drag a confused Cody around despite the fact that she was walking with crutches.

* * *

"…which is why it's so _stupid_ to be worried about things like _romance_ and _boyfriends_ in the first place!" Max said, his voice effortlessly shifting from angry to mocking and back again.

Ella dabbed her eyes, though a bit of their usual light had returned. "So, you're saying…it's _not_ my fault that Dave and Sky are both upset now. Because after all, I didn't _cause_ the circumstances between them, I just brought them into the open?"

"Um…sure? Why not?"

"And it _was_ still the right thing." Ella seemed to be talking more to herself now. "Dave _did_ need to know what was really going on. Didn't he?"

Before Max could answer, Ella leaned over and hugged him, to his surprise and revulsion. "Oh, _thank_ you, Max! I feel so much better now! You really are a wonderful friend."

Max's face twisted into a look of horror. " _What?!_ "

* * *

Noah approached the refreshment table, hoping to find Emma again, but was quickly distracted by something even _more_ interesting.

"And can you—can you believe that? She picksh that—that— _tonto_ over me? Alejandro Burromuerto?" He stumbled closer to Topher, nearly spilling his cup of punch. "Can you believe it?"

"Hmm," said Topher, who was sipping his cup with fantastic indifference. "If you'll excuse me…"

He wandered off, and looking around for a new drinking buddy, Alejandro spotted Noah. " _You._ "

"V, W, X, Y," Noah drawled, pouring himself some punch. He sniffed it cautiously, not entirely surprised to discover its strong, spicy odor. "Enjoying the punch?"

"Yeah, it'sh…really good. A lot better than _Harold!_ " he added with sudden venom. "Look at him, tryin' to sh—sh—" He looked pained. "What'sh the English word for _sheduce?"_

"…Seduce."

"That! He's trying to do that to Heather! Look!"

Noah followed Alejandro's gaze, where the two were sitting together, looking miserable. Harold kept looking over to Leshawna, who was sitting alone at the moment; she glanced back at him every few seconds, just so that she could look away angrily whenever he saw her.

Alejandro suddenly put his head down on the table, looking horribly depressed. The wheels in Noah's head began to turn. "Oh, sure—stand here crying about it. _That'll_ help."

" _Callas!_ " Alejandro snapped. Then, "But you're right. I should—I should go over there and—kish his ash."

"I think you're getting your phrases mixed up. But anyway, don't do anything hasty. I mean, Harold might be 95 pounds soaking wet, but—huh." Noah made a show of gazing through the crowd.

"What?" Alejandro said, looking up quickly.

"Did he just grab Heather's boob?"

" _Basta!_ " Alejandro screamed. He threw his cup of punch to the ground, pulled out his wand and began to march across the Great Hall, the effect of which was ruined when he nearly tripped over a streamer.

Back at the refreshment table, Noah gave his Slytheriniest smile and mimed like he was controlling a marionette. "Yes. Dance, my puppet, dance! _Heh-heh-heh._ "

* * *

"Why the hell did I even come to this thing?" Jo wondered, straightening out her purple robes.

"Hey, Jo, you made it!"

She looked up to see Brick, looking unusually sharp in his own green dress robes. He nodded to her outfit. "See? Knew that would look nice on you."

"Oh, gee, glad you like your own work," she grumbled.

Brick frowned. "Hey, there's no reason to be—"

" _Da prisa!_ " Alejandro hissed, pushing his way between them.

Both of them glared after him. " _Rude,_ " Brick said.

* * *

Harold had just made his fifth furtive look at Leshawna in the last minute when Heather, who had been sitting in stony silence, suddenly sat up. "I'm going to the bathroom," she announced, sweeping off.

"Huh? Um—okay, great!" he called. Then, as soon as she was out of the Great Hall, he got up and headed for his girlfriend's table.

"Hey, Le—"

Suddenly a hand gripped his shoulder painfully, and he spun around to see Alejandro's face inches from his. He immediately recoiled.

" _Ugh._ What's that smell? It's burning my sinuses..."

"Lishten, you little...thinksh he'sh a big man," Alejandro slurred. "You're not—you're not gonna get Heather, I am. _Entiende?!_ "

Harold just stared. "Are you drunk?"

"Of courshe I'm not drunk! All I've had tonight ish punsh!" Alejandro said, with such an emphatic wave that he almost fell over. "Now...take out your wand and duel me!"

Several people were looking over from nearby tables. Leshawna, meanwhile, stood up. "Look, _Al,_ maybe you should step off."

"I'm not aferred—afed—I'm not shcared of thish—whatever he ish."

"Look, I'm not gonna fight you when you're drunk. There's no honor in that. Besides, I don't even _want_ to be here with Heather."

"Yeah, ain't it bad enough that he had to suffer through her company because of his own stupidity?"

Harold smiled. "Aw, thanks, sugar."

"Don't 'sugar' me. I'm still mad."

Alejandro wasn't quite coherent enough to keep track of what they were saying, but Harold wasn't fighting him and that made him so mad that he wanted to fight Harold even more. With an angry growl he stumbled back, slashed at the air with his wand and cried, " _Stupefy!_ "

Several people cried out and ducked as the plates flew off of Leshawna's table and crashed onto the floor. However, Harold, in the two seconds it would have taken the spell to hit him, spun around in a sort of pirouette, the hem of his robe _just_ missing the angry red blast.

Alejandro blinked, confused to see his opponent still standing. Harold recovered from his silly-looking move and looked furious.

"What the heck, man?! You didn't even _bow_ first!"

Alejandro, for lack of a better option, tried again, but this time Harold drew his own wand and produced a Shield Charm. It worked, but the ricocheting spell bounced past Alejandro and hit someone in the crowd instead.

"JAY!" Mickey cried.

"AAGGHH—"

Alejandro raised his wand again, aiming for Harold; he ducked out of the way, but at the same time Leshawna raised her own wand, saying "EXPELLIARM—" before Alejandro, surprised by her voice, spun around and accidentally fired at her instead. Whatever spell he used sent her flying back, knocking into the crowd that had started to gather. As she, Mike and Zoey all collapsed onto the floor, Harold's eyes went wide.

"LESHAWNA!" He spun around to Alejandro, suddenly looking like a feral animal. "FIEND! BLACKGUARD! AAGGHH—"

* * *

In retrospect, Harold would admit that he went "a little crazy" at this point.

He marched forward, firing spell after spell, as Alejandro stumbled back, too busy dodging and blocking to go on the offensive. He was doing an admirable job of not getting killed, considering how drunk he was, but unfortunately that just meant that Harold's magic was just hitting everything and _everyone_ else instead.

Brick pushed Jo behind a table to avoid an Instant Scalping Hex. Emma got hit by a Stunning Spell as she ran forward to try to stop all the commotion. The Wrockers seemed oblivious to all this chaos, until one random curse hit the stage and caused Rock's guitar to burst into flames, to their horror.

Meanwhile, at the entrance to the Hall, Chris's face suddenly appeared, an Invisibility Cloak wrapped around the rest of his body. "Ha! I'm in! And it sounds like I'm just in the time for some mondo—AGH!"

He fell to the ground, convulsing in agony.

Alejandro's back hit the edge of a table, and while he tried to raise another Shield Charm, his panicked swing sent his wand flying out of his hand. His eyes widened.

With one final swipe of his hand, Harold sent Alejandro flying over the table. He collapsed on top of another one, sending it's occupants running.

Alejandro moaned but didn't move. He seemed to be breaking out in ugly yellow pimples.

Harold's lanky body bent over, panting, his face and hair damp with sweat. Then, quite suddenly, he flew up into the air, suspended by his ankle; his dress robes fell down over his head, giving everyone an unpleasant view of the red speedo he was wearing.

When Harold managed to uncover his face he saw Don standing beneath him, his expression stony.

The Great Hall had become very quiet, until a shrill female voice broke the silence.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?!"

Everyone turned to see Heather storm into the Hall, only to quickly trip over Chris' still-mostly-invisible body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter is just a short epilogue.


	4. Finale: Children, Go Where I Send Thee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue! Let's see how well everyone survived the school dance.

"Alright, everyone who's not injured, get out of here and go to your common room. _Your_ common room, got it?!" Don said, with a stern look at the students as they filed out of the hall.

Jo and Brick were walking together. "Ha! I can't believe Scrawny kicked his butt so hard!"

"I could have told you that! I've had Defense Against the Dark Arts with Harold, and let me tell you, as long as he doesn't trip over himself…oops! Sorry."

The pair stepped over Noah, who was lying on the ground with a massively swollen face. Owen was at his side, patting his hand sympathetically.

Noah sighed. "I guess I kind of deserve this," he said, his voice muffled.

At that moment, Emma walked by, half-carried by Kitty. Noah immediately emitted a "Meep!" and used Owen's robe to cover his face.

* * *

"How you feeling?" asked Mickey, helping his brother into a sitting position.

"Alright. Though I'm a little concerned that the paralysis hasn't worn off yet."

Mickey frowned. "Gee, you didn't dance with anyone, and now this. Sorry I dragged you to this thing in the first place."

Jay was about to respond when Geoff came over, grinning. "Don't worry, little dude! I got something that'll cheer you guys up."

"What?"

He took out a large bag of gold, then motioned across the Great Hall with a wink. Trent and Gwen were in the trail of students leaving; he had his arm around her as she rested her head on his shoulder.

It took Jay a moment to process what he was seeing. "I won the pool. I WON THE POOL!" He punched the air with both arms.

"Hey! Your paralysis wore off!"

Jay abruptly stopped laughing. "Actually, it's kind of spotty. Can you help me put these back down?"

* * *

José sighed as he lifted Alejandro off the table, carrying him out of the Hall. "Come along, little Al. Let's get you to the Hospital Wing before those blisters give you scars…"

"Let me _go,_ " Alejandro grumbled, trying to pull himself away from his brother. "I don't _want_ your help. I want _Carlos_ to help me."

"Carlos is in Peru."

"I don't _care._ "

"Well, you should. I'm passing up my chance with _Señora_ Blaineley to help you, you little…"

They passed by Don, who was lecturing a shamefaced Harold.

"First off—ten points to Ravenclaw and Slytherin for knocking out Chris. Secondly, a _month's_ worth of detentions for knocking out _everyone else!_ You two are going to be working so hard, I might just let the house-elves take a vacation!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean—oh, wait a sec. Leshawna!"

Billy the Caretaker and Professor Jerd McLean were helping her out of the hall. He quickly sidestepped Don to reach her. "Are you okay?"

She smiled wanly. "I'm fine, sweetie. Just a little beat up." She suddenly coughed, causing some green smoke to issue from her mouth. "Well, except for that. Not sure what Al hit me with…but you kicked his butt for me, didn't you, hon?"

She touched Harold on the cheek, and he straightened up, beaming proudly.

* * *

"This night _sucked,_ " Heather grumbled.

"Well…look on the bright side," said Cameron. "Your plan to make Alejandro jealous worked out really well."

"SHUT IT!"

However, Cameron couldn't help but notice her expression soften as she watched José drag Alejandro out of the Great Hall. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Too bad I have to wait until tomorrow to visit my friends in the Hospital Wing," he said. "I mean, I _could_ sneak in there tonight to make sure they're alright…but all the patients will be asleep. Tomorrow morning they won't even know I was there."

Heather stared at him, looking like she was about to yell again. " _I…_ am leaving," she said, rising to her feet and hoping that Cameron couldn't see the blush in her cheeks. "Tell Harold that this pity date is _over._ "

She swept out of the Great Hall. Cameron watched her leave, then glanced over at Harold and Leshawna.

"I'm sure he'll be _so_ disappointed."

* * *

" _Come on!_ " Sierra cried as Chef physically wretched her away from Cody. "The Hospital Wing is full now! Won't you need my bed?"

"You're hurt worse than half of these people! Now come on, Crazy Girl."

"WAIT FOR ME, CODY! Oh, if only you'd been hit by a curse too!"

Cody just blinked owlishly as he watched her get dragged away.

* * *

"My date _sucked,_ " said Taylor.

"Not as bad as mine," said Amy.

Anne Maria (who had wound up with Chet) scoffed. "Yeah, well, not only did _my_ date suck, the _first_ guy who asked me didn't even—"

The three were about to step out of the Great Hall when Ezekiel suddenly ran up, panting. His dress robes were disheveled and he was clutching a stitch in his chest.

"Anne Maria! Hi! The Floo—just started working, eh. Did I miss—?"

"UGH!" Anne Maria pushed past him, followed by the other Slytherin girls. Ezekiel looked dejected as they made their way back to their common room.

* * *

"So, other than the stupid Duncan stuff, this date actually went well?"

"Well, neither of us are in the Hospital Wing, so the bar was set pretty low." Courtney rolled her eyes, but then smiled at him. "Come on. Let's get back to the common room."

At that moment, however, Scott noticed something across the Great Hall and scowled. "Just a second," he said.

At that moment his little sister Albertha was leaning against a table, talking to Gwen's little brother Kevin. The latter immediately looked up and turned pale as Scott, stony-faced, approached. Albertha, following his gaze, facepalmed.

"You go. I'll talk to you tomorrow," she said. Kevin gave a hasty smile and retreated.

Scott crossed his arms as he reached his sister. "Where is your chaperon?!"

She sighed and pointed to the nearest Christmas tree.

Scott marched over. "Rodney, what are you doing in there?! You're supposed to be out here, protecting your baby cousin from these good-for-nothing idiots!"

"I'm sorry!" the tree said. "But I asked _five_ different girls to the ball and I didn't know how to explain myself!"

"Hey! Be quiet over there!" MacArthur called from the neighboring tree, followed by the sound of Brody giggling.

* * *

"Amy sure did look miserable, didn't she?"

"Apparently Lorenzo did nothing but harp about Chet the whole night," Jasmine said as the two went off to their common room. "Told you it was a good idea to go stag."

They laughed as Shawn separated from them, heading back to the Slytherin Common Room. Glancing back, he noticed Dave slumping out of the Great Hall and made a beeline toward him.

Dave didn't look up as he passed Damien ("Did my sister leave already? Did somebody at least see her face when her boyfriend got beat up?!"), but jumped as Shawn came up and slapped him on the back. "Hey, _amigo!_ How'd your date with Sky go?"

Shawn winced as Dave glared. Looking past his friend, he saw Sky glance over and then quickly look away, retreating in the opposite direction.

"...That bad, huh?"

* * *

"...Wow. I think we just proved a new magical property of the number 42."

"Let me check these calculations..."

Scarlett, Ellody and Mary were so caught up in their work that they hardly noticed the noise downstairs until Kitty came back into their dorm. "Oh my gosh, are you three still _studying?_ I think you're the only ones in our year to skip the ball!"

"Did we miss anything good?" Mary asked.

"Oh my gosh, there was music and dancing and a duel that put like, twenty people in the Hospital Wing—oh! And I think my sister met a guy!"

"So no, we didn't miss much," Scarlett said, calmly cleaning up their work before bed.


End file.
